Where You Belong Read Online Free PDF Page B

you picking on me?”
    â€œI’m not. I called to invite you to dinner tonight. I haven’t seen you for a week. Too long, Val.”
    â€œTrue, and I’d love to have dinner. I’ll cook for you,” I said. Hearing his voice had instantly cheered me up, and I’d missed him while he had been in the South; anyway, he was my biggest fan when it came to my culinary skills.
    â€œThat’s a great offer, but I prefer to take you out . . . it’s much more relaxing for you.”
    â€œOkay, it’s a deal.”
    Jake cleared his throat several times, and his voice was a bit more subdued when he added, “I had a call from London today. From Tony’s photo agency. About a memorial service for him. They’ve planned one and they want us to come.”
    This news so startled me, so threw me off balance, I was rendered silent, and when I finally did speak, all I could manage was a weak “Oh.”
    â€œWe have to go, Val.”
    â€œI’m not sure . . . I don’t think I’m up to it,” I began, and faltered, unable to continue.
    â€œWe were his closest friends,” Jake countered. “His intimates. His comrades-in-arms, he called us.”
    â€œWe were, I know, but it’s hard for me.”
    Jake fell silent, then after a moment or two he said softly, “The whole world is aware that we were with him in Kosovo when he was killed . . . that we came out alive. How will it look if we don’t show?”
    I stood there, gripping the receiver, utterly mute, as if I’d been struck dumb, shaking like the proverbial leaf as I weighed the odds. Should I risk Jake’s disapproval, everyone’s disapproval, by not going? Or should I go and expose myself to a large amount of pain and heartache? And could I handle that? I just didn’t know. For weeks I had tried very hard to get my turbulent feelings under control, and I was not so sure I could face a memorial service. Not now. It would open up so much and it would just . . . do me in emotionally.
    â€œAre you still there, Val?” Jake asked, cutting into my swirling thoughts.
    â€œYes.”
    â€œYou seem reluctant to go.”
    â€œI’m not . . . I’m just . . . thinking it through.”
    He said nothing. I could hear him waiting at the other end of the line, could practically hear him breathing.
    Finally, realizing he was waiting for me to say something, I muttered, “I couldn’t bear to hear the world eulogizing him. . . . It would be so painful for me, I’d be in floods of tears through the entire service. I’m trying to come to grips with my grief.”
    â€œI understand what you’re saying. If you want to know the truth, I’m not so keen to live through it myself. But we don’t have a choice. And Tony would want us to be present.”
    â€œI guess he would . . .” My voice trailed off.
    â€œWe’ll talk about it tonight.”
    â€œAll right,” I agreed, my heart sinking.
    â€œGood girl. I’ll be there about eight to pick you up. See ya, Kid.”
    He had hung up before I could say another word, and for a second or two I stood there, clutching the receiver, chastising myself under my breath. I was so dumb. Absolutely stupid. I ought to have realized that Tony’s agency would hold a memorial service for their fallen colleague, one who had been their biggest star—and their hero. If only I’d thought it through properly, and earlier, I would have been far better prepared.
    I banged the receiver into the cradle and stared at the kettle absently, thinking it was taking a long time to boil. I turned up the gas automatically and let out a heavy sigh. I’d been caught off guard. And now there was no way out. I would have to go to the memorial service for appearance’s sake. And I could easily come face-to-face with her.
    That was it, of course. That was at the root of my discomfort and reluctance to go to