When Watched Read Online Free PDF

was gold when his daughter was conceived. It had taken a long, holy swim to the womb. But with Kit, his sperm had just been trash, just some muck on her ass. It was a weirdly gratifying epiphany.
I am the receptacle,
she thought.
His daughter is a deity.
    Â â€¢Â â€¢Â â€¢Â 
    Time passed crudely. Kit had several dreams of leaping out of windows and becoming a ghost. She didn’t believe in the afterlife but in her dreams it seemed so obvious. Even when she woke, it was true for a moment. Kit was deeply curious about death.
We only know how to go from one place to another,
she thought.
How does it feel to go from one place to nowhere?
Her thinking stopped at the point. She could only wonder.
Death is the one thing you can’t write about,
she thought.
    On the day of their appointment with Ned, Kit woke in a sweat. She forgot her dream instantly, but felt certain it had been a nightmare.
I was being chased,
she thought. Kit hauled herself into the shower and then got high in the kitchen, waiting for her coffee to brew. She set her glass pipe down and called Lucy.
    â€œWhat the fuck?” Lucy answered.
    â€œHi.”
    â€œ
Hi?
You’ve been ignoring me for days.”
    â€œI’m sorry. I’ve been really busy.”
    â€œWhatever.”
    They met on the street. Lucy in her tweed coat and a pair of oversized amber frames with rose-hued lenses, her bright hair blowing in the wind. Kit leaned up against a brick wall, squinting. She wore dark slacks and waxy brown combat boots. Lucy removed her sunglasses and they exchanged subtle looks of terror.
    â€œYour eyes,” Kit said.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œThey’re so green.”
    â€œOh I know. I get startled in the mirror sometimes. Cause they change.”
    â€œI’ve noticed that.”
    â€œThe Irish thought they were fairies,” Lucy said nervously. “If they had a baby with green eyes, they thought that the fairies had come and swapped it with one of their own.” She nodded as if encouraging herself. “So they basically murdered their green-eyed babies—threw them down a well, hoping the fairies would return their human baby.”
    â€œScary.”
    â€œI know.”
    Upstairs they whipped past Sheila and headed straight for the bathroom. Kit changed into her same black uniform and Lucy removed her coat, revealing a silk camel-tone dress with opalescent buttons down the back. She beamed with anxiety. What was pink came soaring up to the surface of her face like a sunset.
    Ned sat waiting on the black couch. He wore a gray felt hat with a top crease. As they approached, he removed the hat and bowed his head. Then a foolish smile came across his face. Ned seemed to be mocking the prospect of his own politeness. He was no gentleman and clearly found this hilarious.
    Sheila led them to a large room with one mirrored wall and a creaky king bed. The three of them got naked and it all felt very clinical. The room was a bit cold. Ned seemed giddy. It was as if his depression had receded; he glittered temporarily while aroused. He stood alongside the bed and motioned to it until the girls climbed on. “You’re an odd couple,” he said, waving his finger at them. “One big and one skinny. But that must be part of the turn on.” He grinned. “Calm down. I’m kidding.”
    A pained smile transformed Lucy’s face. She was posed like a mermaid on a rock, yellow hair half covering her breasts. Kit made a concerted effort not to stare.
    Lucy’s kisses were muscular with no feeling behind them.She broke into breathy counterfeit moans and Kit cringed. Their teeth clicked. Kit felt a bit the way men must feel, she supposed, when they realize that the prostitute they’ve purchased is miserable to be near them. She wasn’t sure why she had expected it to be any other way.
I’m just another creep who wants to touch her,
she thought.
A little creep hiding behind a bigger