When He Cheatin' and You Still Love Him Read Online Free PDF

here until you fall asleep.” 
    After giving me a weak smile, Kendrick pulls his blanket up to his chin and closes his eyes.
    “I love you mommy,” he whispers, and my heart melts.
    “I love you more baby…more than anything else in this world.”
    With my towel gripped tightly in my hand, I step back against the wall and take a seat on the floor. I feel so terrible right now. Here I am downstairs yelling, fighting and acting like a damn fool, all while my son is just upstairs. I gotta get it together, because this shit can’t happen again. Thinking back, I don’t remember there ever being a time where I’d seen or even heard my parents argue or fight, and I want Kendrick to be able to say the same. I can’t have my son growing up in a house where all he sees is anger and hostility. That shit ain’t healthy, and I know that no matter how much love I show him on a daily basis, things like that will surely alter him. I’ll be damned if my baby becomes an abuser behind my bad decisions, because if so, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
    I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting in this spot, but when I hear the sound of Kendrick snoring lightly, I know that he’s out. Sitting up, I look over at his sleeping face and get emotional. I love him so much; even more than life itself. I know that all parents say that, but I really do. Sometimes I think that I love Kendrick too much, if that’s possible. He’s such an extraordinary little boy, who always has a smile on his face. Kendrick is perfect in my eyes, and I’m extremely grateful that God saw me worthy enough to raise him. What I don’t understand is why his dad doesn’t feel the same way.
    My baby father, Alex and I dated for a little less than a year before one day out of the blue he called and told me that we were through. Well it wasn’t actually out of the blue. It was the day after I broke the news that I was pregnant with his child. During the phone call, Alex gave me some lame ass excuse about him not being ready to be in a committed relationship, when it was really the fact that he just didn’t want to take care of his responsibilities. His little bullshit ass speech ended with him telling me that he just needed space.
    Space my ass.
    How come the following month I found out that he was engaged to his so called “ex” girlfriend? Now mind you this was the same chick who had fucked his uncle, as well as his best friend behind his back. I guess it’s safe to say that Alex liked to share his bitches, because just a few weeks later he married the broad. I wondered why they rushed to tie the knot so sudden, and when I found out why, I damn near died. Come to find out Alex was expecting not one, but two babies at the same time. One he wanted, and there other he didn’t.
    To find out that he married her when he found out she was pregnant and broke it off with me, broke my heart into a million pieces. When I say I was fucked up behind it, trust me when I tell you, I was fucked up because I loved the shit out of that man. If that wasn’t bad enough, after our break up he stopped answering my phone calls. Neither Alex nor his family came to the hospital when I went into labor with Kendrick, but I heard it through the grapevine that they were right by that bitch’s side when she had her baby. They even named the little muthafucka a Jr. It amazes me how Alex could so easily claim the child of his wife, who is a known whore, but completely denied mine. I haven’t spoken to him in over six years, and he has never seen or done anything for our son.
    Although I get sad at times about the fact that Alex doesn’t deal with Kendrick, I know that he is the one who is missing out. I almost did myself. For Kendrick’s first few years, he was with my mother all the time. It wasn’t like I was passing him off on her, she wanted him. He was her only grandchild, and since my stepfather died, she was alone and Kendrick gave her something to do. He was there