What She Never Told Me Read Online Free PDF Page B

explain, but I need a bit of time by myself. I think we both need a break. We’ve needed one for a while.’
    My head reeled in shock. I didn’t need a break from him, but he had made the decision for both of us, so at that point there was nothing I could do but give in. I couldn’t prevent him from leaving. So, defeated, I wept quietly and he held me for a few minutes. Contained for that short time in his arms, sobbing against his chest, I felt a tiny surge of hope that he would change his mind and stay. But he packed a few things in a holdall and left, saying he was going to stay at the flat of a colleague, Geoff, who was doing a stint abroad with a charity.
    ‘The break will do us good,’ he said, and for a moment I believed him. But as he walked out the door, I saw something in his face that looked like relief and I knew my marriage was over.
    A shattering of glass brings me back to the present. Startled, I look around and see a child being dragged away from one of the nearby tables by a man I take to be his father, his high-pitched screams drowning out every other sound. Other diners are staring at the family, some in sympathy, most in disapproval.
    ‘The little brat obviously wasn’t getting enough attention, so he flung out his arm and sent everything flying. If I owned a restaurant, I’d ban children completely,’ Ursula says. ‘Now, aren’t you glad you don’t have one of those to deal with? At least you can start again without having to worry about how the kids are coping.’
    When I was very young it had never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have children of my own. That was what happened when girls grew up. They got married and had children, and that was the future I had assumed for myself. I had even thought about names for these children I would have, names that changed depending on which book I was reading at the time or which film I had seen.
    I had watched Angela’s girls grow up, fall in love and marry. When they became pregnant, I was thrilled. And when Ronan and Brigid came on the scene, I was filled with love for them.
    But my own life hadn’t turned out like theirs. And, now, childless and likely to stay that way, I think about what Ursula has said. Glad? I know what she means, but it’s not necessarily the word I’d use.

Chapter Five
    I’ve been dreading the return to Ireland, but I feel my heart lift as the plane flies in towards the airport, with the wide sweep of Dublin Bay below and the Wicklow Mountains clear and blue in the distance. There has always been a reason to return. After this trip, there will be none, and I feel a small kick in my stomach because, even though I love the Keaveneys, without the anchor that my mother provided, there will be no chain pulling me back.
    I haven’t told Angela exactly when I’m arriving. I didn’t want to give her a date and then renege on it, as I had reneged on my promise to spend Christmas with her and Joe. And now that I’m here, I want to spend this first night in my mother’s house by myself.
    Heavy rain begins to fall as I turn north on to the motorway, making it difficult to see beyond the space the little hired car occupies on the road. ‘Welcome to bloody sopping wet Ireland,’ I mutter to myself, gripping the steering wheel and slowing the car as much as I can without annoying the other drivers, who keep up their speed, unfazed by these treacherous conditions.
    And then, as suddenly as it began, the rain stops, the sky is visible again and the sun throws a wet glow over everything. A double rainbow appears, and I want to believe that it’s some kind of mystical sign telling me all will be well.
    My mother’s house is just outside the town, on the southern side of the river. The Keaveneys all live on the northern side. It’s a small two-storey cottage, almost hidden by the trees and rhododendron bushes growing in the garden.
    There are other houses along the road but, once you walk through the gate of my mother’s