What If... All the Rumors Were True Read Online Free PDF Page B

ethellent comedy. Theater ITH life, you know. Thtudy theater, and you’ll learn about the HUMAN THOUL. Ath the great Richard Burton once thaid, ‘The theater bringth an actor down through the BLOOD and the MUD and the GUTTH, but if he survivth he’ll EMERGE through the HIGHETHT REACHETH of the HUMAN THOUL into HEAVEN itthelf.’”
    Haley and the other tutorees stared at him. Shaun said, “Xavier, man, what have you been smoking?”
    â€œYou’re right, Thhaun,” Xavier said. “Richard Burton never actually thaid that. I made up the quote, but itth THERTAINLY thomething he MIGHT have thaid. Now, do any of you have any theatrical ethperienthe?”
    Haley glanced from Devon to Shaun to Irene, and they all stared back at her.
    â€œDude, you’re jiving me, right?” Shaun exclaimed. “I mean, this is what passes for tutoring?”
    â€œRight again, Thhaun,” Xavier said. “I am JIVING you. Well, I wath GOING to thuggetht that you all try out for the play, thince thereth no better way to learn Thhakethpeare than to thpeak hith wordth ath he meant them to be thpoken—from the thtage. But
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ith VERY challenging. If you’ve never acted before, you won’t be catht. Tho, whatth the point of trying out?” He sighed and glanced at the syllabus again. “Too bad, becauthe I could have coached the HECK out of you. But you don’t have it in you, do you? You don’t have the COJONETH to TRY.” He focused on Shaun as he passed them each a copy of the play. “You can read thith at home. We’ll thtart with math today. A rather long math equathion.”
    Shaun’s eyes shone as he flipped through the play. “Check this: there’s a dude named Bottom in here.”
    â€œYeth, yeth, Nick Bottom, HA-HA,” Xavier said. “HILARIOUTH. But never mind that. Get OVER it. Never mind that Puck cathtth a thpell on him that turnth hith head into an arth’th.”
    â€œAn ass for a head!” Shaun cried. “Awesome.” A light seemed to flicker on behind his eyes.
    â€œUh-oh,” Irene said. “I know that look.”
    â€œSo do I,” Devon said.
    â€œWhat look?” Shaun said, fake-innocently.
    â€œYou had the same look when you decided to become the Evel Knievel of track and field,” Devon said. “It’s a look of crazed obsession. It’s a look of un-stoppability.”
    â€œThis is not an obsession,” Shaun insisted. “And it’s not crazed. It makes perfect sense.”
    â€œWHAT are you all talking about?” Xavier said. “Fill me in, pleathe.”
    â€œI’m going to play Nick Bottom in the play this fall,” Shaun said. “Just you watch me.”
    Xavier laughed. “Oh, Thhaun, Thhaun, Thhaun, that’s a LAUDABLE goal, really. But you’ll NEVER get the part. Not in a MILLION yearth.”
    â€œI’m serious,” Shaun said. “Any dude named Bottom with a donkey’s head is a dude I can relate to.”
    â€œBut Thhaun, Bottom ith a major role,” Xavier said. “You’ll be up againtht kidth with MUCHO acting ethperienthe—maybe even PROFETHIONAL ethperienthe, knowing THITH nutty town. You don’t have a chanthe.”
    â€œWatch me,” Shaun said. He turned around, stuck out his chubby butt and slapped it. “Bottom—that’s me. I was born to play this part, man.”
    â€œOh my God,” Irene said. “He’s really going to do it.”
    â€œNot just me. You’re all gonna be in the play with me,” Shaun said. “Right, Rini?”
    â€œI don’t know, Shaun,” Irene said. “Drama club is just the kind of thing I’ve tried to avoid all these years.”
    â€œIt would look pretty good on our college transcripts,” Haley added.
    â€œThat’th thertainly true,” Xavier said. “That ith, if you don’t get laughed off the