side of the circular room.
“Where are we?” she asked.
“According to Smith, we’re on a spaceship somewhere beyond the orbit of the planet Pluto.”
“That’s nice,” Miss Schlupe said cheerfully. “Is there a view?”
“Be serious.”
“What do you expect when you make silly statements like that?”
“Miss Schlupe,” Darzek said sternly. “If I weren’t an abnormally sane man, the events of the past few days would have reduced me to gibbering idiocy. They still may do so if I have to argue with you about them.”
“All right. We’re on a spaceship. What are we doing here?”
“Our Able-Baker-Charlie-Dog tandem hails from outer space. That’s why they had all of us running in circles. They know tricks I don’t even believe after seeing, and they have gadgets I never will believe. How did you ever manage to get a line on that Nashville headquarters?”
“I didn’t follow Smith-Dog. I followed you. But—outer space?”
“It’s true. They wear a synthetic epidermis to make them look human, and it succeeds remarkably, in a dead-fish sort of way. I made Smith remove his, and I have never seen more convincing proof of anything. They really are from outer space.”
“What do they want with you?”
“It seems that I once did some work for them. I don’t remember it, but I must have given satisfaction. Now they’ve hired me again.”
“And me,” Miss Schlupe said confidently. “I never had any fun in my life until I went to work for you. You’re not firing me now. What did they hire us to do?”
“That’s where things start getting complicated. It seems that this galaxy of ours, which we vulgarly call the Milky Way, has habitable worlds without number, with equally numerous intelligent life forms whose appearances would tax the imagination if it weren’t for the fact that any healthy imagination would reject them out of hand. Our galaxy also has something that might be loosely referred to as a government; with most of the burdensome appurtenances that this implies. One outstanding exception is a military establishment, which has never been needed. Our galaxy is made up of maybe millions of worlds existing peacefully in free association with each other.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“It is not only beyond comprehension, but also beyond knowledge,” Darzek agreed. “One has to accept it on faith. These worlds get along together under one loosely organized galactic government in a peace that defies the laws of nature. So Smith describes it, and if he’s capable of either mendacity or subterfuge I haven’t been able to catch him at it. The main reason for this halcyon condition is that any world that might upset it is kept isolated and not permitted to play with the others until it’s demonstrated that it can be trusted to observe the rules. Which is why we humans don’t know anything about it. We have a well-documented predilection for making up our own rules. Earth is what they call an uncertified world. Smith’s cohorts belong to a certification group that takes our temperatures at regular intervals and seeks to stuff medicine into us without our knowing about it. When they decide that we’ve been cured of our disposition for foul play, they’ll certify us. That doesn’t seem likely to happen in the foreseeable future.”
“You haven’t answered my question. What did they hire us to do?”
“Well—their system worked very well until, as their time goes, recently. Now they’re afraid that this galaxy—don’t laugh—is being invaded from outer space. A neighboring galaxy, known to us as the Large Magellanic Cloud, is suspect. It has arms trailing in our direction, and several expeditions sent in that direction vanished from the ken of mortal men, if it is correct to refer to the galaxy’s collective populations as ‘men.’ A logical inference would be that whoever or whatever resides in the Large Magellanic Cloud got curious as to where the unwelcome
Jody Lynn Nye, Mike Brotherton