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can’t let him take away another member of my family. I wish my pops was here to help me, to show me what I should do. I’ve never felt so confused, so lost. I feel more alone now than I did when I lost Lydia.
    The pain I’m feeling at Damon’s betrayal is exactly why I’ve shut off my emotions the last three years. My heart aches deep in my chest and my hand comes up to rub the area but it does nothing to help ease the pain. I stand and move towards the table where I placed my bag last night. I grab Lydia’s diary and read some in the hopes of finding something I didn’t see before.
     
    April 11th 2011
    I can’t do this. He’s stopped me from being able to enter the building in which we work. He won’t talk to me. He won’t see me. He won’t even answer the phone.
    He needs to know I can make everything okay. I love him. I need to tell him I’m sorry.
    I can’t live without Damon. He makes my life complete. He makes me happy.
    He belongs with me.
    I need to find a way in again. I need him to notice me.
    I need him to love me again. 
     
    Whimpers start slipping past my parted lips as I try to hold back the sobs wanting to break free. Tears stain my face. My body is physically exhausted and crying just makes me feel weak to the bone. My body slumps forward as I give in to the emotion I need to release.
    Lydia really loved him and he threw their love away like it meant nothing. I don’t know if I can trust him to not break me further if I give us a try. I don’t know what to do. What would be the best thing to do? Pops was the one I turned to for advice but I don’t have that option. He’s not here.
    After what seems like hours, my tears finally start to dry and exhaustion sets in. I stand on shaky legs and move to get a glass of water. My throat hurts, my head pounds, and my heart feels like its bleeding pain into my bloodstream, pushing around the hurt until it fills every inch of me. 
    I gulp the refreshing cold water down and it soothes my throat a little. Leaning in to the counter, using my hands to hold me up and support my weight, I shut my eyes and take a deep breath.
    “Pops,” I choke out, “I need help. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go. I need a sign. Just... something... anything.” I finish on a whisper, my throat constricting, as I struggle to breathe. I thought I’d cried all I could, but tears spill again. I tightly squeeze my eyes shut. “Just... anything, Daddy. Please. What do I do?” I choke out, knowing no response will come.
    My pops was always there for me. He played mum and dad to us growing up. We were never afraid to talk to him about anything. He gave the best advice and even better hugs. That’s what I need right now. It’s exactly what I’m missing the most. I need my daddy’s arms around me telling me everything will be okay.
    “Please, Daddy. Just a sign.” I sigh, knowing it is useless asking for help, asking him to guide me through this. It’s not possible. My pops is gone. He’s dead. I’ll never again get to have his arms around me.
    I stumble my way to the lounge and lie down on the sofa, curling into myself. Sometimes I wish I could be strong like Lydia was, but I’m not. I’ve tried to be. I’ve tried to get revenge for her but I wasn’t strong enough. I’ve tried to be who I need to be, who I think I’m meant to be, but nothing changes. I never feel better for it.
    I need to make the biggest decision of my life. I need to decide what I’m going to do next, but first I need sleep so I can think properly. I cry myself into a restless sleep, not even able to escape my pain in slumber.  
     

 
    CHAPTER EIGHT
     
    I startle awake and my heart pounds as fear freezes me in place. What the fuck was that? I look around in confusion, not sure what woke me but knowing it sounds like someone is in agony. Pain filled cries erupt through the house, making my hair stand on end. My eyes widen and my breath stutters out of me as I realise