Warm and Witty Side of Attila the Hun Read Online Free PDF Page B

Commons. Their mutual animus was as much personal as it was political. When, for example, Churchill briefly grew a moustache while a renegade member of the Liberal Party, and she informed him that she liked neither his moustache nor his politics, he responded that, given the current political situation and her lack of attractiveness, she was likely to come into contact with neither of them. And, more famously, she and Churchill were both in attendance at a social gathering at which Churchill had rather too much to drink, which was not uncommon. Lady Astor approached him, feigned disgust and said, "Mr. Churchill! You are very drunk!"
    "Lady Astor," he replied, "you are very ugly. But I shall be sober tomorrow."
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    Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt became fast friends during World War Two, but an incident early in their acquaintance might have proven to be a major impediment to their relationship were it not for Churchill's quick wit.
    Churchill arrived in Washington for his first visit as prime minister in March of 1941, and Roosevelt, who had corresponded with him but had never met him, was eager to talk. Churchill, however, was exhausted after his trans-Atlantic journey, which was considerably more arduous in 1941 that it is today, and wanted to take a bath and a nap before meeting with the president. As a distinguished guest whose presence would not be announced until two days later, Churchill had the unique honor of being a guest in the White House rather than staying in the British Embassy as diplomatic propriety would ordinarily dictate. He was thus at FDR's mercy.
    After having the staff show Churchill to his room, Roosevelt waited what he regarded as a decent interval and then took the elevator to the third floor and after a pro forma knock, wheeled himself in to find Churchill standing in the middle of the room, cigar in one hand, glass of scotch in the other, stark naked. FDR stammered a flummoxed apology, but Churchill diffused the tension by spreading his arms wide and saying, "His Majesty's prime minister has nothing to hide from the president of the United States."
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    The British prime minister is a member of the House of Commons, a body that corresponds roughly to the U.S. House of Representatives. (If the U.S. were a parliamentary democracy, our prime minister would be the Speaker of the House, an idea which, considering our recent speakers, is enough to send shudders down the spine of any intelligent person.)
    In any event, as leader of our closest ally in the Second World War, Churchill was invited to address a joint session of Congress in the House chamber. He began his address by saying, "As many of you may know, while my father was British, my mother was American. Had the situations been reversed, I might have gotten into this room on my own."
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    Churchill was generally able to control his drinking in that he was never out of control even when inebriated. One significant exception to this general rule was the first personal meeting he had with Marshal Josef Stalin, Communist dictator of the Soviet Union . (This was before the two men met with their third ally, FDR, in 1943.)
    Churchill and Stalin met with their staffs during the day, dined with each other and smaller entourages in the evening; and then, both men being night owls, met privately with only Stalin's translator present, drinking and smoking into the wee hours of the morning. When Churchill awakened the next afternoon, he realized with shock and chagrin that he had an only foggy memory of their pre-dawn conversation. Not knowing what he may or may not have committed himself to, he immediately wrote Stalin a three-page letter expressing concern and confessing his memory lapse, in an attempt to undo whatever damage he may have done.
    An hour later he received a hand-written note from Stalin, which his own translator read to him in English. Churchill did not understand why his translator was trembling until he heard Stalin's words:
    My