War on Whimsy Read Online Free PDF

young.”
    â€œGood skincare,” said Sean, giving the Space Brigade a secret wink. “We don’t look our age.”
    â€œReally?” XYZ40 stroked her cheek. “How extraordinary.”
    â€œShall we begin?” said the queen of Globagaskar. “It’s just that your mention of skincare reminded me that I have a very important facial after this meeting.”
    â€œYes, and I urgently require a nap,” yawned the king.
    â€œOf course, your majesties,” said XYZ40. “Let me begin with some background for the Earthlings.”
    A white screen slid down behind her. She picked up a long pointer.
    â€œThis is the Planet of Volcomania.”
    The screen filled with a dark, fiery landscape.
    â€œVolcomania’s most significant geographical feature is its volcanoes,” said XYZ40. “The exact number of live volcanoes on the planet has never been confirmed; however, it’s estimated that a volcano erupts every two-and-a-half minutes. This obviously makes life difficult, due to the constant danger of being splattered with boiling lava. As a result, the planet’s inhabitants have gradually evolved an unusual, tough, scaly skin.”
    The screen showed a picture of a family: a man, woman, and two children. They would have looked perfectly normal, except for their skin. It was a deep red in color and ridged like a crocodile’s.
    â€œI really must not miss that facial,” murmured the queen.
    â€œTo avoid third-degree burns, visitors must wear a specially formulated lava screen,” said XYZ40. She handed around small tubes that looked like sunscreen. Nicola examined hers. It said: FACTOR 25,000,000 LAVASCREEN. To avoid potentially fatal lava burn, apply to ALL exposed skin, hair, AND clothing.
    Goodness. Nicola thought about how she often missed a patch of skin when she was applying sunscreen.
    â€œAre they able to grow any crops on Volcomania?” asked Tyler. He always asked the intelligent questions.
    â€œNo, the quality of the soil makes it impossible to grow any food on the planet,” said XYZ40. “All food is imported from other planets. Volcomania’s main source of income is manufacturing goods from solidified lava. For example, this happens to be a Volcomanian vase.”
    She lifted a squat brown vase from the table and smashed it hard against the side of the table. It didn’t break.
    â€œVolcomanian goods are impossible to break,” said XYZ40. “Their biggest customers are families with small children and people with bad tempers. If you’re having an argument and you want to throw a teacup, you can do so without fear of it breaking. For example . . .”
    She put down her pointer, picked up a nearby teacup and threw it against the wall. It shattered into tiny fragments.
    â€œOh!” XYZ40’s hands flew to her mouth. “I am sorry, your majesties, I was absolutely positive that was a Volcomanian teacup.”
    â€œIt was actually a priceless heirloom,” sighed the queen. Flustered, XYZ40 picked up her pointer again.
    â€œThe nearest planet to Volcomania is the Planet of Whimsy. In fact, the planets are actually joined.”
    A picture of two planets appeared on the screen. One was large and the other small.
    â€œThis is Volcomania.” XYZ40 indicated the larger planet. “It is joined to the Planet of Whimsy here.” She pointed to a long, thin cylinder attaching the two planets. It was like both planets had been stuck on either end of a toothpick. “This is actually an Underground Sea. The only way to travel between the two planets is via this sea.”
    She pointed to a pale pink halo around the Planet of Whimsy. “It is impossible to land a spaceship on Whimsy because of this atmospheric dust. Although deceptively pretty, it’s actually Choker Dust. It causes spaceships to choke up and disintegrate.”
    â€œSo I guess the only way you can get to the Planet of