Wag the Dog Read Online Free PDF

shame about poor Linc—’”
    â€œLinc?”
    â€œIf you know Beagle well enough, you call him Linc. It’s one of those thing things. I’m about to reply, ‘Yes, isn’t it. What exactly is wrong with him?’ or something to that effect. But what I don’t know is that Tom Cruise is coming up behind me. David has to schmooze. For that matter, if I’m smart, I have to do a number too, even if my act is that I’m totally disinterested. David timed his remark so that he could drop it into the conversation and I couldn’t pursue it. That’s a lot of work to say nothing.
    â€œThe day after I had lunch with Hartman, Bennie calls me, he’s got a picture for me. It’s a World War II home-front picture. Me, Gena Rowlands, Bette Midler. Heavy duty, right? You remember that movie The Best Years of Our Lives?”
    â€œYes,” I say. It was supposed to be an ironic title. A story of three guys who went to war and came home to realize that that’s what the war had been—the best years of their lives. They’ll never make a movie about Nam with a title like that.
    â€œThis is a remake. From the women’s point of view. How they blossomed, even though they hurt, while the men were away. Good concept, fair script. Woman director, Anita Epstein-Barr. She’s not bad. It’s not the Beagle film, but it’s a definite A picture. A big enough prize to distract me from thinking about the movie that disappeared. So I say to Bennie, ‘Thank you very much. I am grateful, I am glad, I will do it, and by the way, what did happen to John Lincoln Beagle and the movie I was supposed to do?’
    â€œBennie says, ‘Maggie baby, be a good girl. Go do this picture with Midler and Rowlands, which is the most heavyweight women’s cast since The Witches of Eastwick. Forget about what’s not your business. You’re being taken very good care of.’”
    â€œWhich you are,” I say.
    â€œWhich I am,” she says. “Very good care. Too good, almost. Knowing Bennie, if there was nothing wrong, what he would have said was . . .” and she does a Bennie Hoffrau routine. I’ve never met the man and still I know it is a deadly accurate imitation. “ ‘What the fuck, babe?’ What the fuck? You lose one picture, you get anudder picture. You got action. Go wid the action. ’Cause that’s what it’s allll about. The action. Go make a pic-ture, collect your check, keep your panties on in publick places. What the fuck, you know what I’m saying.’ See, that’s what he would’ve done, his caricature of an agent. It’s supposed to be a joke, but it’s his real, true self. If it was normal Hollywood bullshit, if they were just trying to sleaze me out of some cancellation money, that’s what he would have said.
    â€œTwo nights later,” she says, “I went to a party and got a little high. Bennie was there. I was talking to Janice Riley. She’s an old, old friend. And I say, ‘See that, that’s my agent over there. He takes good care of me, but he lies to me. That makes me unhappy. Do you think that should make me unhappy?’ Janice asks me what I’m talking about. I tell her.
    â€œThe next day Bennie calls me to come to his office. A summons. OK, I go. ‘I told you to forget about the Beagle film. There is nothing mysterious or strange about the cancellation. He got sick. I can show you a note from his doctor. I’m sure he’ll get well sometime in the near future. I don’t know the details. You don’t have to know the details. You’re off this Rowlands-Midler picture. Sorry. Don’t argue. Leave it alone. Go home. Go on vacation. Take a break, lie in the sun, somewhere you can breathe real air, you know what I mean. Forget about things. I’ll send you a couple of scripts you should consider doing. Come back, we’ll have