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seventh in line is as good as being next. After a while the recorded announcement
     informed me I was second, then first. A moment later the voice of the host came over the phone and the radio at the same instant.
    “Hallo.”
    “Yes. Hello,” I shouted into the phone. A staticky voice that sounded vaguely familiar echoed back at me from the hi-fi speakers.
     “Yes. Hello,” it said.
    “I just now arrived in America,” I shouted into the telephone.
    “I just now arrived in America,” I heard myself shout over the speakers.
    “Turn down your radio. That’s better. What’s your handle?”
    “Handle?” “Handle?”
    “What’s your name?”
    “Yes. Falk, Lemuel.” “Yes. Falk, Lemuel.”
    “Which of the two is a first name, Falk or Lemuel?”
    “Lemuel.” “Lemuel.”
    “Well, now, Lemuel, welcome to the U.S. of A. So, uh, where did you say you hailed from?”
    “I am not for sure.” “I am not for sure.”
    “What you are is not for real. Ha ha! Only kidding. How’s that, you’re not sure?”
    “I was born in Leningrad …” “I was born in Leningrad, but I came here from St. Petersburg. Physically the two occupy the same
     space. Emotionally they are light-years apart.”
    “St. Petersburg, that’s, uh, in Russia, right? So what brings you to America, Lemuel?”
    “Chaos brings me to …” “Chaos brings me to America.”
    “Are you running away from it or toward it? Ha ha ha ha!”
    “Both. I thought your chaos …” “Both. I thought your chaos was greener. Dumb as it sounds, I thought your streets were paved
     with Sony Walkmans.”
    “Well, Lemuel, you are one funny son of a gun. What are you doing, trying out a comic routine on me? Or have you had one too
     many for the road? Only kidding. So tell me something, Lemuel, as someone fresh off the boat, so to speak, what hits you as
     the biggest difference between America and Russia?”
    “First, your towns, the distances …” “First, your towns, the distances between them, even your citizens are smaller than in
     Russia, though maybe they only seem smaller because I expected larger than life. Second, your apartments do not smell of kerosene.”
    “Mine smells of cat litter. Ha ha! If you’re listening, I was only joking, Charlene, honey. Okay, so Lemuel, what’cha wanna
     get off your chest?”
    “Off my chest?” “Off my chest?”
    “Why didja call in for? What’cha wanna talk about?”
    “I want to talk about …” “I want to talk about the serial murders. I want to say you this—the crimes may look random, but
     this seeming randomness is nothing more than the name we give to our ignorance.”
    “If I read you right, you’re saying there’s a pattern behind the murders the police aren’t aware of.”
    “There is a pattern …” “There is a pattern waiting to be discovered. Randomness, pure, unfortunately does not exist. At least
     nobody has been able to come up with an example. I should know. I have been looking everywhere—”
    “Well, I’m afraid I’m in over my head when it comes to anything pure. Ha ha ha ha. But we’ll be sure and pass your tip on
     to Chester Combes, the county sheriff. Listen, Lemuel, we’re counting on you to keep an eye peeled for this pure randomness—it’s
     got to be out there somewhere, lurking in the bushes, hiding in the shadows of an alleyway. Nice talking to you, Lemuel. Enjoy
     your, eh, stay in America. I’ll take another call …”
    I sensed he was about to hang up. “I need answers to (questions,” I shouted into the phone. “I figured out the high five.
     You explained me
handle
, you explained me
gettingoff your chest
. But how is it possible to wear a heart on a sleeve? What does it really mean, Nonstops to the most Florida cities? How can
     one city be more Florida than another? My
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never used such an expression. Concerning which side is up, who gets to decide that in