Victoria Confesses (9781442422469) Read Online Free PDF Page B

Mamma.
    â€œYour mother’s moral standards are much higher than Queen Adelaide’s,” Daisy explained. “The duchess believes that if you are allowed to associate with children born to the king’s shameful relationship with an actress, Mrs. Jordan, it will notbe possible to teach you the difference between vice and virtue.”
    â€œBut I do know the difference!” I protested.
    â€œI am sure you do, Victoria.”
    I said nothing to Mamma, or she would have been “shocked” that I opposed her. Dear Daisy advised me to be patient.
    King William did not go out of his way to pretend to care for Mamma, but he did not even try to conceal his complete disdain for Sir John. For his part, Sir John loathed the king. It was like the Battle of Hastings in 1066. I was somewhere in the middle, caught between opposing armies—King William and Queen Adelaide on one side, Mamma and Sir John on the other. I was always on pins and needles, and I hated it .

Chapter 6
B EHAVIOR , G OOD AND B AD , 1831
    My mother had the distressing habit of writing me a letter whenever I somehow displeased her, and that seemed to happen VERY often. I wished everyone had not found it necessary to report to her every little thing I said or did, which then burdened Mamma with the duty of writing to chastise me, and me with the duty of writing an apology.
    There was the episode of the piano shortly before my twelfth birthday. I disliked practicing my piano exercises. “Even a princess must practice,” my teacher gently reminded me. But I felt I had done quite enough scales and arpeggios and little etudes by some young Polish composer—Chopin, I think.
    â€œI do not wish to practice any more,” I informed the teacher, and shut the lid over the keys quite firmly, perhaps a little too firmly.
    This minor incident was reported to Mamma, who thenwrote a letter reprimanding me. As if I did not see her several times a day! It was not enough for me simply to say, “I am truly sorry,” but now had to sit down and write her a letter in my most careful penmanship.
    Dearest Mamma, I thank you for all your many kindnesses to me, and I hope to repay it by being your good and obedient child. I hope never any more to hear my dearest Mamma say “I am shocked” but rather, “I am pleased.”
    I wrote many such letters, and there were times when I sincerely believed that my dearest Mamma should be writing such letters to me.

    On the twenty-fourth of May at the dinner in honor of my birthday, my health was drunk and everyone assured me that this, my twelfth year, would be a year of great promise. I very much wanted to believe them, but only a month later I received news that was deeply distressing: Dearest Uncle Leopold had been elected king of the Belgians and would soon leave England. My uncle was like a father to me, always kind and affectionate, listening carefully to what I had to say and offering wise advice when I asked for it. I could not bear to have him go so far away!
    Mamma and I traveled with Daisy to Claremont House, half a day’s journey from Kensington, to spend time with my dear uncle before he left for Brussels. For once the Conroy family did not accompany us. Sir John did not trust Uncle Leopold, and I felt sure Uncle Leopold heartily disliked Sir John, perhapseven as much as I did. Though Uncle Leopold had been a great help to Mamma after my papa died, he often disagreed with her, which meant that he also disagreed with Sir John. Sir John was no doubt happy to see him go.
    The visit at Claremont was a misery for me. Signs of my uncle’s coming departure were everywhere. Portraits of poor Princess Charlotte had been packed for shipment, including my favorite, the two of them on their wedding day—Charlotte in her elegant gown of silver lamé embroidered with shells and flowers, and Uncle Leopold with all of his military decorations pinned in rows on his coat. Now, in