Vain: A Stepbrother Romance Read Online Free PDF Page B

teach out there—it was amazing. I may be a
great surfer, but that’s about all I am. You have a real connection to those
people. You are a great teacher. I lost that bet before it began. You win, Sam.
You win. I will endorse your school.”
     
    A wave of pride
washes over me. Though I wrestle with the thought that Mick could be lying, but
when he spoke, I looked in his eyes—as far as I could tell, he was sincere.
Still, I feel I have to fight off my feelings. All guys are the same. I
repeat to myself.
     
    “Mick, you can’t just
solve this with a kind word and an excuse. You fucked up. Your whole life has
been a publicity stunt. You are a child that is starved for attention. You
don’t have to make everything into a PR campaign just to stroke your ego. Don’t
you know there is more to life than that?” I can feel tears starting to well in
my eyes.
     
    “Sam, you…”
     
    I can tell he feels
bad by the expression on his face, but my feelings of guilt are quickly trumped
by my anger. “I need you to leave, Mick. Now!”
     
    I look back at him.
There is such a depth of sadness on his face, it is almost too much for me to
bear. I’m not sure what I feel anymore. This is all so confusing.
     
    Mick steps in close
to me—he is at least a half a head taller than I am. The water from his body
drips onto mine. I refuse to look up. I want to flee, and yet my body won’t let
me leave.

          I feel his breath on me
and see his chest heaving up and down; my breathing becomes heavy. When he is
this close to me, I feel a deep sense of passion and unbridled excitement. Mick
takes me by my arms.
     
    “Listen, Sam. I understand the
complications and baggage that must come from this. I really do. But I can’t
risk another day apart from you. If… if you don’t feel what there is between us
right now, then tell me, and I will leave. I know you feel it though, Sam. You
must.” I look up at his trembling lips.
    As I lift my head further, I see Mick’s
face. A water droplet runs down the right side of his cheek and falls onto his
lips. He moves in closer to meet my kiss, and as our lips touch, something
within me shakes as if in warning. I can’t do this… not with him. I
break away from the captivating kiss, and Mick steps back in shock.
    “Mick, you have to
leave. I can’t do this—not right now. Please,” I whisper the last words, or
they come out in a whisper. A whisper of sadness and regret.
     
    Mick looks at me with
understanding. Part of me feels somewhat gratified. I wasn’t going to let a
guy come into my life, not like this. Look what happened with John—do you want
that again, Sam?  As I watch Mick turn and walk away farther in the
distance, I suddenly realize Mick is not John. I don’t think he ever could be.
As the sadness crests overtop of me, I think I may have made the biggest
mistake of my life.
     
    ***
             
I fell asleep last night accompanied by terrible feelings of guilt. I deeply
regret the way I treated Mick. It feels like I was just trying to prove a point
now. Truthfully, his stunt would spark enrollment rates in my school, and the
association of his name with my program would bring a lot of notoriety my way.
I understand that Mick helped me, in a way, in spite of his selfish pursuit.
    I had many dreams last night, but the
one I remember was all about Mick. In the dream, I met Mick to apologize for my
abrupt reaction, only to have him laugh in my face. When I look behind me, I
realized we were next to the grandstand from the US Open, and everyone was
pointing at me in disgust while laughing away. I awoke in a cold sweat.
    These feelings I have
are so complicated. I simply don’t know what to do. There is no question how he
feels about me and no question about how I feel about him, but I am not ready.
Not now.

          Whenever my mind is full
like this, San Onofre is the only medicine I need. San Onofre is where I surf
the long, gentle wave