Unsuitable Men Read Online Free PDF Page B

‘She went on forty-three dates in the year before she met
Hecks. Forty-three!’
    ‘Hecks?’
    ‘Hector Armstrong-Calthorpe? Number eleven in Tatler’s Most Invited?’ said Ticky, looking astonished that I didn’t immediately recognize his name. Ticky and all of the Country House staff had a habit of assuming that everyone was as intimate with their social bubble as they were themselves. ‘Not actually important, Roars. What is important is that
she met a lot of unsuitable men before it all happened with Hecks. A lot.’
    ‘Unsuitable men?’ I echoed.
    ‘Yah. Use them for practice, you know? Get used to the whole dating scene by going out with people you’re not interested in – get the crap ones out of the way, right? Teaches
you about what to avoid in future and then you’re, like, all chilled and relaxed about dating when you meet a man you’re raaahlly interested in.’
    ‘Right,’ I said, hesitantly.
    ‘Yah, it’s like me and old Fuckwit Farquharson? Totes unsuitable but the bonus is that I absolutely know for future reference that I am not prepared to get down to business with a
man who wants to call me “Nanny” in the sack.’
    ‘Did he?!’
    ‘Oh Goouurd, yes. I had to dump him when it escalated horribly one night,’ she shuddered.
    ‘How?’ I demanded.
    ‘I don’t really want to talk about it,’ said Ticky, looking away as if the memory was painful. ‘Let’s just say I didn’t know until then that they made nappies
in adult sizes. But now I know the signs, I won’t be going there again.’
    ‘What are the signs?’ I said, in genuine fascination.
    ‘Please – I can’t,’ said Ticky, holding out her hand to stop me prying further. It seemed her appetite for emotional sharing was strictly a one-way affair.
‘Thankfully there is just one Fuckwit Farquharson, but the thing is there are lots of other fuckwits out there and you are bound to encounter some sooner or later, yah? It’s good to get
them all out of the way so you can get on with meeting someone great. I mean, surely there were some unsuitable men before you got together with Martin?’
    ‘None,’ I said, casting my eyes down to my desk in embarrassment. It wasn’t like I’d been one of those teenagers who wore a chastity ring and swore to keep herself pure
for marriage, but my love of ancient castles and encyclopaedic knowledge of William Morris textile designs were not exactly irresistible to the boys of my youth. When Martin first started talking
to me in the university library I’d been as astonished by his attention as I was flattered.
    ‘Sorry,’ said Ticky, rolling her eyes. ‘Stupido. Forgot he was your first proper boyfriend. But that is all the more reason you need to go out with some unsuitable men. I mean,
most girls go out with, like, a series of bad boys in their twenties and then settle down with a nice sensible boy when they hit thirty. But you, Roars, you’ve spent your whole adult life in
a relationship with a sensible man. A boring man, frankly. You, like, totally need to get some bad boys out of your system.’
    ‘Define “bad boy”,’ I said, with some trepidation.
    ‘Well, have you ever been on a date with a tortured artist, for example?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Guy in a band?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Toyboy?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Married man?’
    ‘Ticky! No, I certainly haven’t. I haven’t been out with anyone unsuitable at all. Ever.’
    ‘Well, Goouurd, of course the ultimate irony is the one man you do go out with for eleven years turns out to be unsuitable anyway,’ Ticky said, sitting back with a satisfied smile.
She was too pleased with her neat conclusion to consider that it might be painful for me to hear.
    ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ I said, wincing slightly.
    ‘So you have been out with an unsuitable man, Roars – you can tick cheater off your list now.’
    ‘Great.’
    ‘But don’t you see this is a good thing?’ said Ticky with earnest enthusiasm. ‘Getting unsuitable