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and pointed downwards. I thought she was consigning me repressively to my duties in the basement, but in fact all she meant was that I should not make too much noise. We had a customer.

Three

    At first the man in the basement looked to me like an older and more careworn version of the man with bowed head in the café in Marylebone Lane who was not Mrs Hildreth’s son and for whom I had imagined a whole illusory history. (I am not infallible.) This man had the same air of lassitude, which I detected in spite of his polished appearance. He was formally dressed for his visit to a dusty bookshop, although he could not have known that it would be quite so dusty. He wore a finely tailored grey suit with a faint chalk stripe, a very white shirt, and highly polished shoes. I think it was the brilliantly laundered shirt that led me to make the comparison with Mrs Hildreth’s putative son, as if this man too had emerged from the hands of a watchful woman and set out, fully caparisoned, to encounter the hazards of the ordinary working day.
    Except that this man obviously had no connection with the world of work: he was too careful, too immaculate. And besides, what sort of man do you find in a bookshop at ten o’clock on a Monday morning, unless he is some sort of don, about his own affairs? This man, however, was too presentable to be one of the academics we get in from time to time. He turned briefly when I said ‘Good morning’ before turning back to the shelves. I had an impression of a fine blond head and afair-skinned face prematurely worn into furrows of anxiety which gave him an elderly look, although his figure was tall and upright and rather graceful.
    In his hasty return to his earlier perusal of the shelves I sensed a reserve. This man would not waste time on a strange woman, with whom in any case he was not on terms of familiarity or friendship. I found him attractive, more attractive than the prospect of a day with St John Collier, who had begun to acquire a patina of benign tediousness. I pitied those two girls having to listen to him throughout their childhood, although the experience seemed to have done them no harm. Their respect for their father had remained intact, a fact at which I could only marvel. My own father had never emitted a single philosophical or semi-philosophical dictum, so that I had learned at an early age not to look to him for enlightenment, or even very much in the way of affection. He found me as tiresome as I found him, but I had never quite resolved the factors that made us so antagonistic.
    I took the cover off my typewriter and pretended to be studying my papers. It would be impolite to start work with this man at my back, although he was paying me no attention. From what I could judge he was reading his way steadily through whatever came to hand, as if he had found sanctuary in our basement and was in no hurry to leave. I also detected an almost unnatural stillness, almost a watchfulness about him, as if he were sensitive to my own inactivity, or as if he knew that I was not normally an inactive person whom he had no wish to constrain by his presence. For this reason he was conscious of me, as I was of him. I shuffled the typewritten pages on my desk; clearly I could not start on the women’s magazines while he appeared to be reading Heine’s collected poems. I corrected a few typing errors, resolving to work properly, ina resolute fashion, when he had gone. But he showed no signs of going, and in the end I merely sat still, with a pen in my hand, as if to give an impression of profound thought.
    He did not much worry me. I am at ease with men, to whom I am inclined to forgive much. This, I thought, was the direct legacy of my unfortunate father, to whom I forgave little. I was ten years old when he had his first stroke, and I became used to his clumsy presence, but also to his irascibility, as if not enough deference were being paid to his condition. He was inclined to sulk when he