whoâd been through Soniaâs basement. Most wrote to their parents. They are missives of sorrow and disillusionment. Anger and the screaming question of âwhy?â Why did you? How could you? When did things go so wrong? Even the state wards, unloved but tolerated by the institution that raised them, found something to say to someone.
He wonders if Sonia ever sent his letter, or if itâs still in there, buried among the other raging voices. He wonders what he would say to his parents now, and if itâs any different from what he wrote. His letter began with how much he hated them for what they did, but by the time he reached the end, he wasin tears, telling them that he loved them in spite of it. So much confusion. So much ambivalence. Just writing the letter helped him understand thatâhelped him to understand himself a bit more. Sonia had given him a gift that day, and the gift of the letter was in the writing, not in the sending. But still . . .
âIâd ask you to move the trunk back into place for meâbut youâve gotta be on the other side of the trapdoor before I do.â Sonia raises her cane, pointing down the steep basement steps.
âRight. Iâm goingâdonât use the cattle prod.â
She doesnât whack him with her cane, but on his way down, she does tap him gently on the head with it to get his attention.
âBe good to her, Connor,â Sonia says, gently. âAnd donât let Beau get to you. He just likes to be the big man.â
âNo worries.â
He descends, and she closes the trapdoor above him. The basement smells like teen spirit, as the old prewar song goes. For a brief moment he has a flashback without words or imagesâjust a swell of feelingâback to the first time he was herded down those steps two years ago. The invincibility he was feeling when he woke up is now tempered by the cold concentrate of that memory.
Risaâs at her little first aid station tending to a girlâs swollen, slightly bloody lip. âI bit my lip in my sleepâso?â the girl says, instantly on the defensive. âI have nightmaresâso?â
Once the girl is tended to, Connor sits down in the treatment chair. âDoctor, I have a problem with my tongue,â he says.
âAnd what might that be?â asks Risa cautiously.
âI canât keep it out of my girlfriendâs ear.â
She gives him the best Oh, please look heâs ever seen, and says, âIâll call the Juvies to cut it out. Iâm sure thatâll take care of the problem.â
âAnd itâll give some other poor soul a highly talented sensory organ.â
She allows him the last laugh, studying him for a few moments.
âTell me about Lev,â she finally says.
Heâs a bit deflated to have the playfulness so totally squashed out of their conversation.
âWhat about him?â Connor asks.
âYou said you were with him for a while. Whatâs he like now?â
Connor shrugs, like itâs nothing. âHeâs different.â
âGood different, or bad different?
âWell, the last time you saw him, he was planning on blowing himself upâso anything is an improvement.â
Another kid comes to Risa with what looks like a splinter in his finger, sees the two of them talking, and goes away to take care of it himself.
Connor knows he canât get out of this conversation, so he tells Risa what he can. âLevâs been through a lot since the harvest camp. You know that, right? Clappers tried to kill him. And that asshole Nelson captured him, but he got away.â
âNelson?â Risa says caught completely by surprise. âThe Juvey-cop you tranqâd?â
âHeâs not a cop anymore. Heâs a parts pirate, and heâs nuts. Heâs got it out for me and Lev. Probably you, too, if he could find you.â
âGreat,â says Risa,