she needs a psychiatrist,â Uncle Toddy said. âNot yet. But we need to keep an eye on the situation. Make sure she eats, gets plenty of rest, and has some fun. All she does is study. I was thinking of taking her to the coast some weekend. Just the two of us. She used to love that.â
I almost howled with laughter.
âYou know how kids are,â Uncle Toddy was saying. âThey all go through it. I was a handful myself. Well, Bill, you remember. The folks called me the hellion. Donât worry about Carolyn. Sheâll be fine. I just thought youâd like to know what all the commotion was about.â
I slid back into our bedroom and closed the door. Then I pushed a chair in front of it, with the wastebasket on top. If I fell asleep reading and the door was opened, the wastebasket would wake me when it hit the floor.
But he didnât come back. He went into his room. After a while I sensed that everyone was sleeping. I turned off the light and stepped into the hall, my knife cool and hard in my hands.
I glided through the moonlit rooms downstairs. The grandfather clock was ticking, ticking. Honeyâs piano grinned, showing its teeth.
I floated through the dining room and into the kitchen, where a locked door leads down to the cellar and my uncleâs workshop. The lock was placed high, out of reach of little hands, to keep us from falling down the stairs when we were small.
My knife undid the screws that held the lock in place. Removing it left tiny holes in the wood, but Mama wouldnât notice. There is so much she doesnât notice.
Then I slipped upstairs and into our room. I used my knife to screw the lock into the doorframe. When I slid the metal pin in place, my heart almost burst, it was so full of relief. We were finally safe. We could rest in peace.
I wasnât worried about fire. If a fire broke out, we could open the window and climb down the tree. Itâs a long way to the ground below. I tried climbing down once, when Uncle Toddy came after me. He grabbed me and wrapped me in his wings.
I got into bed and pulled up the covers. Then I turned off the light and fell asleep; not curled up like a fist, but as relaxed as a baby resting in her mamaâs arms. Nothing could harm us now. We were free.
When I came home from school the next day, the lock was gone.
5
Rehearsal ran late. I couldnât stay in character. I kept forgetting who I was supposed to be. I felt as if I were sitting in the back of the dark auditorium, watching a blond girl pretending to be Carolyn pretending to be someone else.
At one point, Mrs. Bennett said, âEarth to Carolyn. Do you read me?â and the cast members laughed. It was embarrassing.
Iâve thought about quitting the play, but itâs too late; our first performance is a month away. Acting used to be a vacation, an escape.
Now Iâm acting all the time.
When I got home, Uncle Toddy said, âYou got some mail,â and handed me a letter from Maggie. My heart leaped at the sight of her familiar scribble.
The envelope was unsealed.
âIâm sorry,â Uncle Toddy said. âI thought it was for me. Donât worry. I didnât read it. How was school?â
âFine.â I took the letter upstairs and sat on my bed and began to read.
Dear Carrie ,
I decided to write you a letter because I canât seem to get you on the phone. I called the other night, but you were sleeping .
I talked to Uncle Toddy. He said youâve been feeling kind of burned out, worrying about school and everything .
You get a 4.0! What more do you want? And youâve got tons of extra activities. Colleges will be knocking down your door! When the time comes, Iâll help you figure out all those stupid applications. Ms. Johnson can help you too. She was great; told me about the scholarships, loans, grants, etc .
You worry too much, kid! Take it easy .
You are listening to the Voice of Experience,