Uncle John’s Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader Read Online Free PDF

Guinness, “ Brad says he once cut his epiglottis so badly that he couldn’t eat or drink for 48 hours.”
    BICYCLE EATING
    Record Holder: French entertainer Michel Lotito, also known as Monsieur Mangetout (“Mr. Eat All”)
    Details: Between March 17, 1977, and April 2, 1977, Mangetout devoured one entire bicycle, including the tires, which he consumed by cutting them into strips and making a “stew.”
    What Happened: Monsieur Mangetout’s category was closed, but unlike some other discontinued dangerous categories, Guinness continued to print the record in subsequent editions. Why? “The ultimate in stupidity—the eating of a bicycle—has been recorded since it is unlikely to attract competition,” the Guinness people wrote.
    Update: Mangetout, who claims to devour two pounds of metal in a typical day, has blown past his old record: Since 1977 he has consumed a Cessna 150 aircraft, several televisions, shopping carts, and 17 more items. Today he’s listed under the category “strangest diet.” Is there anything Lotito won’t eat? “I don’t eat hard-boiled eggs or bananas,” he says. “They make me sick.”
    NEW CATEGORIES
    • Fastest Car Driven While Blindfolded: 144.75 mph, by Mike Newman at North Yorkshire, U.K., in August 2003.
    • Scorpion Eating: 35,000 by Rene Alvarenga of El Salvador. He averages 25 venomous scorpions a day.
    • Fastest Motorcycle Driven While Blindfolded: 164.87 mph, by Billy Baxter at Wiltshire, U.K., in August 2003.
    • Most Rattlesnakes Held in the Mouth at One Time: Eight, by Jackie Bibby in Orlando, Florida, in May 2001.
The town of Levan—in the center of Utah—is “navel” spelled backwards.

FLUBBED HEADLINES
These are 100% honest-to-goodness headlines. Can you figure out what the writers were trying to say?
    Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold as Pet Fish
    Nuns Forgive Break-In, Assault Suspect
    MAN WITH ONE ARM CHEATS ON OTHER HALF
    Home Depot Purchases Wallpaper, Blinds Retailers
    NATION SPLIT ON BUSH AS UNITER OR DIVIDER
    Man Is Fatally Slain
    UTAH GIRL DOES WELL IN DOG SHOWS
    Smithsonian May Cancel Bombing of Japan Exhibits
    POLL SAYS 53% BELIEVE THAT MEDIA OFFEN MAKES MISTAKES
    Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
    Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn’t Seen in Years
    A REASON FOR ODOR FOUND AT SEWER PLANT
    Judges Appear More Lenient on Crack Cocaine
    William Kelly Was Fed Secretary
    TV Networks Agree to Police Violence
    Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let’s Resolve to Do Better
    D EALERS W ILL H EAR C AR T ALK AT N OON
    Bush Planning Mars Trip
    A R A F A T SWE A RS IN CABINET
    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    L ANSING R ESIDENTS C AN D ROP O FF T REES
    Sewer District Plans Emergency Backup
    Man Accused of Shooting Neighbor, Dog Held for Trial
First actor to appear on the cover of Time magazine: Charlie Chaplin, in 1925.

BOX OFFICE BLOOPERS
Everyone loves bleepers…er, bloppers…er, we mean bloopers. Here are a few great ones from the silver screen .
    Movie: Goldfinger (1964)
    Scene: Dressed as Army soldiers, Goldfinger’s crew breaks into Fort Knox and disables personnel with nerve gas.
    Blooper: They’re wearing Air Force insignias on their Army uniforms.
    Movie: The Sound of Music (1965)
    Scene: Maria (Julie Andrews) is riding on a bus singing “I Have Confidence in Me.”
    Blooper: The bus is supposed to be moving…but the mountains in the background never change.
    Movie: Free Willy (1993)
    Scene: Randolph and Jesse are sitting inside by a window reading a book together.
    Blooper: At the beginning of the scene, the sun is shining brightly. Two minutes later, it’s pitch black outside.
    Movie: Crash (2004)
    Scene: Officer Ryan (Matt Dillon) is talking on the phone about his father’s health insurance.
    Blooper: Ryan is a patrolman, but he’s wearing sergeant stripes.
    Movie: Annie Hall (1977)
    Scene: The end credits.
    Blooper: Christopher Walken’s name is listed as “Christopher Wlaken.”
    Movie: 9 to 5 (1980)
    Scene: