vivid and realistic. Still confused and uncertain of what had just happened, I walked down the hallway toward Kelsey’s bedroom.
“Hey boss,” I said as I knocked on the half-open door.
“Hey boss,” I said as I knocked again.
“Shit, what is it kid?” he said as he sat up in bed.
“Call Brock’s manager. Or whoever. I want that fight. As soon as we can get it organized,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Well, hell. I knew you’d come around, kid. We’ll call them first thing in the morning,” he responded groggily.
“First thing?” I asked.
“Yep. I’ll call them right after breakfast,” he responded.
I nodded my head and smiled without speaking. As I walked back to the couch I considered the fight and what it meant to me. It wasn’t a gold championship belt hanging on my bed post, or the framed cover of a Sports Illustrated magazine on the wall over the fireplace that drove me toward wanting to fight for the championship. Not any longer.
It was meeting the expectation of those who loved me.
As I sat on the edge of the couch, I reached up and clenched my dog tags in my hand and prayed.
It’s me again. I know I come to you often, but I imagine that’s much better than not coming at all.
I need some help.
I’ve abandoned my friends and family and everyone who cares about me because I was scared, selfish, and I had lost faith in everything and everyone; including you.
Help me make decisions based on what’s best for those around me. The rest, I’m sure, will take care of itself.
And as far as our little boy goes, I’m okay with whatever happens. As long as he’s born alive, I’ll be just fine with whoever he is or becomes.
You see, I know now, and I never quite looked at it this way before, but whatever happens, I can live with. I can make sense of it all. You give me a son, and I’ll give him the best father the world has ever known.
Ultimately I know everything will be fine, because…
I paused, sniffed, and tilted my head toward the sky.
You got this.
SHANE. She sat on the couch with a plate of cookies, peeled bananas and strawberries in her lap. I quietly sat across the living room in a chair and did my best to listen and understand what I had put her through. As she poked another strawberry into her already full mouth, she tried to speak.
“That’s fine Shane. I’m glad you found whatever you needed to find to accept everything. Me?” she pointed at her chest.
“I don’t have a choice. He’s inside of me, growing,” she paused and picked up a peeled banana.
“Don’t think for one little minute I’m happy. I’m not. I’ll never forget what you did. I’ll probably never forgive you either. I’ll hold onto it as long as I live. What you did was wrong. The fact that it happened when it happened?” she swallowed the strawberry and took a bite of the banana.
“Makes it worse,” she said as she began to chew.
“I understand,” I sighed.
“No you don’t. Don’t act like you do,” she shook her head and took another bite of the banana, finishing it completely.
“I love you, and I know you love me, but I won’t let this go. I’m not going to hold it over your head, but I won’t forget it either. After today, we’ll move on. You already promised, but I want you to know something. If you ever leave me again, I’ll divorce you. I will. And it won’t end there,” she paused and picked up a cookie.
“I already talked to him, and he said he’d do it. I’m gonna give Ripp a hammer and have him come find you. Do you hear me?” she said as she waved her cookie filled hand my direction.
I nodded my head, “Yes ma’am.”
“I will,” she assured me,
“I believe you,” I said.
“And he will,” she nodded.
“And I believe that too. He already told me,” I sighed.
“I was scared too, Shane. But running doesn’t fix anything. Heck, I’m still scared. I think about what might happen every day. But I can’t change it. You know, worrying
Heidi Belleau, Rachel Haimowitz