Twelve Days Read Online Free PDF

turned away. He and Rachel had a baby girl once. She hadn't lived a day. They were cursed when it came to children. He'd accepted the fact that they weren't ever going to have any, and he didn't want to see this angel of a baby girl in his wife's arms.
    "Why don't you all clear out. I'll clean up the mess," Sam said, then turned to the boy. "Come here, Zach."
    He lifted the boy off the stool, carried him to the edge of the kitchen, and set him on his feet.
    "I'm really, really sorry," Zach said solemnly.
    "No big deal. We have more glasses than we need in this house. More milk, too."
    The boy turned and left. Rachel and the baby and Miriam left. The girl, Emma, lingered behind.
    "You don't want us here, do you?" she asked.
    Sam scowled at her. He couldn't quite help it.
    "You don't like kids?" she suggested.
    "I wouldn't know. I've never had kids."
    "Why not?"
    "It's a long story," he said. "One I'd appreciate you wouldn't discuss with my wife. She tends to get a little upset when she talks about it, and she's been upset enough already."
    "I won't upset her," the girl claimed.
    "Oh, yes, you will." He was certain of it.
    Looking scared, the girl asked, "Are you gonna send us away?"
    "Rachel said you're staying, so that's it. You're staying," he said, then decided as reassurances went, it sounded fairly weak. "And I'll be in a better mood tomorrow."
    "Okay," she said tentatively.
    "It's not that I dislike kids," he explained. "And I'm not usually like this. I'm not usually so loud or so..."
    "Grumpy?" she suggested.
    Sam winced. "Yes," he said grumpily. "It's just... It's been a bad day."
    It was the day he had finally said it out loud. He was leaving his wife.
    That made it real, didn't it? He hated it, and saying it out loud made it real. It seemed he could hear the clock ticking in his head, counting down his last days with Rachel. He'd set into motion a horrible thing, and he worried that he could never take it back, now that he'd started it.
    Sam looked up and saw the girl regarding him warily. Damn . "Don't worry," he said. "Rachel's... well, she's the best. She'll take good care of you."
    "I can watch Zach and the baby. I'm good at it. If you'll just let us stay, I can keep them out of your way. We won't be much trouble." Seeing Sam throwing paper towels over pieces of glass and puddles of milk at the moment, Emma reconsidered. "Well, not much trouble."
    "I meant it, Emma. You can stay," he said, not looking at her, concentrating on the mess. Working with wood was messy. Messes didn't bother him. Rachel getting hurt would. "Until after Christmas, anyway. That's what Rachel's aunt said. She'll find someone else to take you by then."
    "Okay."
    "And you don't have to take care of anybody," he felt compelled to add. She was just a girl. "Rachel's always wanted kids. She'll enjoy having you here."
    "She seems nice. Just... sad."
    Sam dumped the worst of the mess in the garbage can in the corner and frowned. "She is sad. Maybe you and Zach and the baby can cheer her up."
    Sam wanted that. He wanted all the old hurts to go away, and he didn't see how that was going to happen if they were still together. So he was letting her go, hoping she'd find someone else who could make her happy. He sure as hell hadn't, not for a long time.
    And maybe somewhere along the way, he'd learn to be happy, too.
    Happy without Rachel? He shook his head. He'd never imagined that, and he thought it was the ultimate in irony, now when he'd given up and decided to go, that someone had brought three children into their lives, however temporary that might be. He'd always thought she could have been happy with him if they'd had children.
    "We could help," Emma said quite seriously, but hopefully. "Zack is kind of silly, and everybody likes Grace. Everybody smiles at her."
    The look on her little face was so earnest Sam could hardly look at her. He felt like the big bad wolf, snarling and showing his teeth, terrifying already traumatized children. God, he