Tulisa - The Biography Read Online Free PDF

he left the house, in an extreme instance of controlling behaviour. Astonishingly, though in a sense typically of Tulisa, later in life she was able to take an understanding look at this man who was so unpleasant to her. She knew he had suffered a ‘very tough upbringing’ himself and that he was a little lost and in need of help. While she regrets that it was her who faced the backlash of his issues, she understood what had prompted them. She even wrote that she was pleased he had subsequently found help and confronted many of his demons. It takes a mature and forgiving nature to be able to view him that way. That said, she too will have benefited from the serene view she was able to take of the issue.
    Back in the thick of it, though, it had been tough for her. The hurt took on a new dimension when the boyfriend broke off the relationship. Tulisa might have been relieved to have escaped the clutches of such an abusive figure. However, at the time she was just hurt and humiliated to watch him run off with another girl. She stopped eating and lost a stone-and-a-half in weight. She also became interested in witchcraft and Tarot cards, as her imagination became ever darker. She remembers trying an Ouija board, and becoming convinced she had ‘brought something bad out’, as well as believing that her at times ghastly dreams foreshadowed real-life tragedies. She was pulled from this darkness by the light of religion. In her dreams, Mother Mary spoke to her and assured Tulisa that she was watching over her. The female saint was not the only religious icon that ‘spoke’ to Tulisa in her sleep. Soon, Tulisa began to pray and soon felt the dark and negative energy lessen.
    Before she truly stepped into the light, her self-harming escalated and she then went a step further: by attempting suicide on two occasions. The first time she tore into her mother’s extensive medication collection and swallowed handfuls of all manner of pills. They quickly took hold of her and she began vomiting violently. It was fortunate her body rejected the lethal concoction of pills she had forced on it, otherwise she would probably have died there and then. Instead, she lived to cry another day. The second suicide attempt came soon afterwards as she battled the pain and humiliation of both the break-up and the relationship that preceded it. This time she moved from her usual self-harming to an all-out attack on her wrists. Quickly she lost her resolve to end her life and realised with panic what was at stake. She grabbed a towel and held it tightly against the cuts. As she sat there in tears, desperately trying to stop the flow of blood, she thanked her lucky stars that she had not torn into crucial veins. It had been a very lucky escape for her; a life-saving one. A  single extra slash with the knife just a few millimetres away from those she had made might have ended her life in seconds.
    ‘I know it was a classic cry for help and I decided I had to take myself out of the environment I’d been living in,’ she said later, during an interview with the Daily Mail . ‘So I went to stay with my dad, who also lived in North London. My dad knew what I’d been going through but I’d always chosen to live with my mum. Despite everything, I wanted to be there for her.’ Turning to how she felt about her father’s physical absence, she was understanding in tone. ‘I know my dad felt terrible for what I’d been through but he got really emotional and admitted that he just couldn’t stand the constant ups and downs of [my mum’s] mood swings and the paranoia any more, which is why he left. Her mood swings were affecting him and making him so depressed he was becoming a different person. I totally understood how it had driven him to the brink and I know that he’s sorry he left me to deal with it for all those years.’
    Tulisa had not only shocked her father with her suicide attempt – she had also shocked herself. This was something akin to a