Trouble Comes in Threes Read Online Free PDF Page B

back against the couch. It looked as if I was ringing in the New Year alone this time. The two cats ambled over to me. Tiger jumped on the couch, turned in a circle a few times, and then flopped down next to my leg. He leaned against me, paws under him. Snowball claimed the other side. I drank my beer, watching as Snowball squirmed.
    “Can’t you get comfortable?”
    One ear twitched as he found a comfortable position.
    Finally, he got still. The first thing I noticed was the heat these two put off. It was like having my own personal heaters. I sat up enough to swipe the remote off the coffee table—disrupting both cats, of course—then eased back against the couch. They expressed their displeasure with me by kneading my legs, turning circles again, and flopping back down. Once they arranged themselves—and me—in a satisfactory manner, the purring started. That was… nice.
    I flipped between shows as I finished my beer. “Okay, boys, I need to get up.”
    Tiger opened his eyes, yawned, then glanced at me. The look I received was nothing short of total exasperation. Nice, I’d managed to annoy a cat. Things were looking up.
    “Look, if I could levitate the beer in here, don’t you think I would? Now clear out, I’m getting up.”
    Neither cat moved. Fine. I shifted on the couch, and sure enough, Tiger’s claws sank into my jeans, holding me captive for a few seconds. I got the message loud and clear: better bring back any goodies I wanted this time. I stood, and as I passed by Tiger, he reached out and lazily batted at me.
    My mouth dropped. “You did not just…. Really? You swatted me?”
    “Meeer.” Tiger stretched, one paw reaching out toward me again.
    “Look, cat, if you want any more tuna, you’ll—” Snowball suddenly leaped off the couch and head-butted me. “What the hell, Snowball?” The white cat rubbed against my leg, back arched, tail held high. Then the bastard swatted me too.
    “Whoa, tag teaming is against the rules.” I stumbled my way to the kitchen with Snowball weaving in and out of my feet. “Jesus, kitty, you can not do this. You’ll have me on my ass in no time. Especially if I’m drunk.” And I totally intended to get drunk tonight.
    Snowball let out a sharp little meow, then left me to check out the water bowl.
    Shaking my head at him, I opened the refrigerator door, grabbed another beer, and popped the top. “Guess I’d better hit the john if there’s going to be this much complaining when I try to get off the couch.”
    The half bath was closer, so I used that. Now that I was staring at the commode, I was dying to piss. I lifted the seat, unbuttoned, and pulled out my…. And suddenly there was an itch between my shoulder blades. I hunched my back, my body tensing. Chill bumps raced over my skin. What the fuck? Holding my cock loosely, I gradually turned my head… and met freaky blue eyes watching me.
    “Jesus fucking Christ!” Well, pissing was out of the question now. “What are you doing, Tiger?”
    “Mmmrawl.”
    “I’m trying to piss.” The damn cat just sat there, staring. “Would you leave?”
    Nothing.
    “Please?”
    That odd blue gaze raked over me once more, and then out he went.
    “Thank God.” I used my foot to shut the door. After a few seconds, my bladder unlocked, and I could piss.
    Just as I buttoned up, a white paw stuck itself under the door, looking for something to swat. “Oh, for crying out loud, you too?” Something told me the days of going to the bathroom alone were over. At least for now.
    After the bitching the cats did when I tried to get up, I decided I’d better bring the rest of the beer back to the den. I returned to the living area and joined them on the couch. We watched the ball drop in Times Square. People cried, threw confetti, and kissed. I finished off my beer and had another to celebrate the new year, which could kiss my ass if it didn’t go better than last year. When I finished the third beer, I was buzzing quite