To Have and to Hold Read Online Free PDF

years”—she turns to look at Alice—“I’d be looking for a little variety.”
    “We don’t need variety,” Alice smiles through gritted teeth. “We have each other. Come on Joe, love. Let’s go home.” A dramatic pause. “To bed.”
    Valerie raises an eyebrow and smiles. “Enjoy yourselves, my darlings. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

3

    They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad
    They may not mean to but they do
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you . . .
    —Philip Larkin
    J oe finishes buttoning his shirt and reaches for his tie, draped neatly over the back of a buttery toile armchair in the corner of the bedroom. He puts his tie around his neck and stands in the soft glow of the bedside lamp for a few seconds, gazing down at the figure in the bed, her back toward him, her head resting on her arm, looking exactly like a model for an Impressionist painting. How lovely she is, the light glancing off the curve of her hip, her hair fanned out on the Frette pillowcases.
    He leans down with a regretful smile and plants a gentle kiss on her shoulder, at which she turns over and stretches, giving him a lazy smile.
    “You have to leave already?”
    “I do.”
    She reaches a hand up and strokes his cheek. “When will I see you again?”
    “Soon. I’ll call you.” He sighs, knowing that this has to end, that her appearance at the restaurant last night crossed the line of acceptable behavior, that although it might just be a game to her, it could cost him his marriage.
    “And what if I call you first?” Valerie smiles, then slowly pushes herself up on to her knees, stretching her arms up around his neck, waiting to see his reaction.
    “Valerie,” he warns, nervous now. “You know the score. Alice is my wife and I love her, I don’t want to hurt her and I’m not going to leave her.”
    “I know, darling,” she purrs, because this is a game she has played many times before, and as much as she likes to tease her married lovers, she has no intention whatsoever of breaking up their marriages. She just likes to have fun, to push the limits, to see how far she can go. “This has nothing to do with your marriage, I know, I know.”
    “No, Valerie,” he says gently, disentangling himself from her arms. He has to end this, nearly had heart failure last night when she turned up at Nobu, only three hours after he had left her bed, when he had told her where he was taking Alice for their anniversary.
    In the beginning he would have found it flattering. Would have found the element of danger exhilarating and sexy as hell. But he’s been seeing Valerie for a while now, and although the sex is fantastic, the thrill of the chase has now well and truly gone, and the prospect of getting caught—particularly after last night—is far more worrying than exciting.
    There are, after all, certain rules about playing away, certain expectations that each of you must have, and an implicit agreement that you will abide by these rules.
    First, and most important, a mistress must conspire to protect your marriage, must understand that your marriage comes first, and that however much you profess to love your mistress, you will never leave your wife.
    She must never acknowledge you publicly in anything other than a platonic way, must understand that arrangements are made to be broken and that your family will always come first.
    She must wait for your phone call or phone you on your mobile phone, which will be switched off when you are with your family. If you are with your family when the phone rings, you will have a code, and she will understand and immediately say good-bye. She will never phone you at home, not even when the urge to hear your voice becomes unbearable, and she will make herself available whenever you wish to see her.
    Joe knows the rules by heart, knew the rules long before he planned to play the game. He has been observing the rules since he was a tiny boy, too young even