Thoroughly 03 - Who Invited the Dead Man? Read Online Free PDF

through your neighbor’s downstairs window. I sure don’t want to rile anybody, do you?”

    “Well, no, I don’t want to upset the neighbors. But we’ve got to get rid of those crows.”

    I lowered the gun’s muzzle to the grass. “You know what? We’ve got some artificial owls down at the store that will scare them off. How about if I send somebody over with some? He’ll even install them for you.”

    “That would be wonderful!” Pooh clapped her hands in delight. “I should have called you in the first place.”

    “I wish you had. I’ll send one of our men down within the hour. Okay?”

    “That will be fine. Otis? Where’s Otis? That man is never around when I need him.”

    “Here I am, Miss Winifred.” He came through the gate and took the handle grips of her chair. “Let me get you inside so you can get dressed for the afternoon.”

    Pooh looked down in surprise. “Why, MacLaren, I am ashamed to have you see me like this. I came out in such a hurry, I forgot to put on my dress.” She put her chair in gear and started up the ramp to her back porch.

    One of the officers stepped forward. “Just a minute. We’re going to have to cite you . . .”

    I turned and motioned him back toward the gate. “Would you say this woman is competent to stand trial, officer?” I asked softly.

    “Well, no, Judge, but—”

    “Would you say she ought to be sent to an institution?”

    Pooh used to stand on her front porch steps with warm home-baked cookies when he walked home from elementary school. Maybe he remembered those cookies, or maybe he thought of his own grandmother, who had never been the same since his Uncle Jack was killed in Vietnam. When you live in a small town, you know so many things about each other. “She can’t be trusted with firearms in the house, Judge.”

    “We’ll get the guns out of the house this afternoon. All of them. I’ll see to that myself.”

    “Yes, ma’am. May I put that in my report?”

    “Sure. Say that Judge Yarbrough personally oversaw the removal of all firearms from the premises.”

    As soon as the officers left, I followed Otis inside and we collected all the DuBose hunting rifles, shotguns, and ammunition. “I hate to take ’em without her knowin’,” Otis worried out loud, “but we have to for her own safety.”

    “If she asks, say I took them away to clean them. You’re sure there aren’t any more?”

    He furrowed his brow above his grizzled eyebrows. “Used to be a little bitty twenty-two pistol, but I think she gave it to Miss Augusta after we had all those robberies a good many years back. Miss Winifred never had much use for little guns.”

    “I’ll ask Gusta. Meanwhile, you search for it. If you find it, bring it to me right away. I gave my word that I’d oversee the removal of all firearms from these premises.”

    That promise would come back to haunt me.

4

    When I called Gusta to ask about Pooh’s gun, she said Meriwether put it somewhere and she’d ask about it. Since it wasn’t at Pooh’s, I forgot about it. I pretty much forgot about Gusta and Meriwether, too, for two weeks. Then, on Saturday, I went to Phyllis’s Beauty Parlor for a long-overdue perm. Phyllis was almost finished rolling me when somebody came in and demanded, “Is it true Meriwether’s painting her house red, white, and blue?”

    “Sounds real tacky, if you ask me,” said a customer at a station I couldn’t see.

    Phyllis held the last hank of my hair straight up in curling paper and turned to whoever spoke. “Buck says it’s gonna be gorgeous. The actual colors are creamy magnolia, slate blue and old burgundy, with just a tad of forest green up at that point near the roof. He’s head contractor on the project, you know.” Phyllis—who was Buck’s wife—picked up the last pink roller while the biddies cackled on.

    “Wonder what she has against plain white paint?”

    “Same thing she has against those gorgeous kitchen cabinets. Is she