This Burns My Heart Read Online Free PDF

as the sound of gossip all around her; and above all, the innocence of her childhood, still free of secrets, lovers, and ambitions.
    It is no good to want to stay.
Getting these kinds of letters only made Soo-Ja want to leave more. She prayed for Min to come back safe and come back soon, so he could help her with her plans. And in the meantime, she had to make sure to keep her father from finding out about him.
    Soo-Ja put the letter away. There were few places to hide it, since her room was entirely bare except for the large
nong
armoire where she kept her coverlets and comforters and clothes. She decided to go to the kitchen, where her mother stored empty earthenware kimchee jars. But when she got there and opened some of them, she found that they were already filled—with money. This was an old habit of theirs. Her father gave her mother a large allowance every week for household expenses, and her mother, not knowing what to do with the extra money, often placed it in jars, where the hwan bills took on the smell of spices.
    Soo-Ja went back to her room, frustrated, and took her clothes off to go to bed. She considered simply leaving the letter inside her jewel box—a small treasure chest inlaid with shiny mother-of-pearl—but itseemed too obvious a hiding place. Then, as she folded her woolen shirt, she decided to place her letter inside it, wrapped between the folds of fabric of its sleeves. She’d have to find some other place before Tuesday, when the servants did the washing. But for now it seemed to make perfect sense to leave it there, ensconced between the clothes she had been inside all day and had just cast off.
    Soo-Ja’s father sounded angry when he called her into his room. He sat cross-legged on the floor facing her. He did not speak right away, and she found herself staring at the screens behind him—four large ink paintings, one for each of the four mythical animals: blue dragon, white tiger, red phoenix, and black tortoise. She imagined her father as the dragon, and herself as the tiger. She wondered which would win in the end.
    “This time you’ve gone too far,” he said.
    “What did I do now?” asked Soo-Ja, her eyes rolling to the back of her head.
    Soo-Ja’s father reached for a stack of letters and tossed them on the writing table in front of him. Soo-Ja opened her mouth, surprised.
How had he found them?
    “Is this the same young man who showed up at our door that night?”
    “What night?” asked Soo-Ja innocently. She avoided his gaze, looking instead at the white tiger in the painting on the screen, its mouth open in a roar, one paw in front of the other. It looked as if about to charge, and only self-control held it back.
    “You must have him come and introduce himself, so I can officially tell him how inappropriate he is for you.”
    “He’s not in Daegu. He’s in Seoul. You shouldn’t have read my—”
    “I didn’t. And what’s he doing in Seoul? He hasn’t finished college yet? Is he younger than you are? You cannot consider someone who isn’t at least a year older than you.”
    “He’s in Seoul for something else. And
appa
, don’t make a scandal out of this. He’s barely an acquaintance.”
    Her father flashed her a grim look. “Is he a member of a studentgroup? One of those lazy bums, living in boardinghouses, who can’t get a job, and so wastes his time getting into fights with the police? Some fool dying for democracy?”
    “He’s not dying for democracy,” she said, looking away. “Maybe getting bruised, but not dying for it. He’s there more for the social aspect.”
    “How do you know so much about him? I thought you said he was barely an acquaintance.”
    It was no use trying to lie to her father. Soo-Ja threw her hands up in the air.
    “I can’t imagine anything I say is going to satisfy you, so maybe I should just sit here like a mute.”
    “At least you no longer fight with me about diplomat school. I have
that
to be thankful for. You seem to