Thin Ice Read Online Free PDF Page B

three flights up to our door and open it up to see Tegan wearing yoga pants and a huge AIR FORCE sweatshirt. That’s another thing we have in common. Both our dads served in the military. H er’s in the Air Force, mine in the Marines.  

    “It’s about time! Where were you? Wait, why are you smiling?”
    “Don’t worry about me. What happened to cause this movie night?” I ask, as I pick up the half eaten carton of Ben and Jerry's. “And for you to totally destroy today’s workout?”

    I don’t understand how some girls can eat whatever they want. I probably just gained ten pounds from picking up the carton, and another five from just looking at it.

    “I got to the party and saw Logan with his tongue down another girls throat. When he saw me he acted like he didn’t just make me throw up in my mouth and had the nerve to ask me to go upstairs to his room. He went to grab my hand and that’s when the hockey team walked in and grabbed him to play beer pong. If they didn’t, Elli, I would have punched him, and then kneed him in the groin.”

    Just her mention of the hockey team put a smile on my face.

    “Perks of being a short girl.” I say.
    “Ugh, sometimes it really is wonderful.”
    “So Logan will be tonight’s ‘he who must not be named’. Let me just put on pajamas.”
    “Good. And then you can tell me where you were  and stop keeping yourself so locked up . Don’t make me go all Alohomora on you. I’ll go get my wand right now.”

    “Okay, okay!” I yell from my room as I pull on my yoga pants and my giant Winter Park University tee-shirt. Out of habit, and possibly hope, I grab my phone from my bag and go into the living room, taking my seat on the couch next to her.

    “I went to the ice rink.”
    “Did you have an anxiety attack?”
    “Yea.”
    “Do you know what caused it?”

    Do I tell her? Do I finally allow myself to open up? Maybe a little?

    “It’s nothing. I just needed to get out.”
    “I don’t buy it, and I’m offended you’re lying straight to my face.”

    Now or never Elli. Baby steps. Maybe you’ll feel better if someone knows. I look down and see my thumbs are completely torn apart. Damn nervous habit. But the pain it causes brings relief, and i never had it in me to stop .  Seeing the blood stain I have yet to clean off since Dylan pointed it out, a little piece of me cracks.

    “Well, my dad called. He’s a little hard on me. My weight and all.”
    “Elli, a little?! There’s got to be more. He gets to your head. You’ve lost so much weight since you’ve been here and you don’t even realize it. I never see you eat anything besides freaking chicken. What’s it all about?”

    Biting the inside of my mouth, I think over what she’s saying. This is just all so confusing.

    “I don’t know Tegan.”
    “Elli, you need to be honest with me here. You don’t make yourself sick do you?"
    “No, well, I haven’t in a while.”

    There it is. The door has been cracked open. It’s not my secret anymore. Completely unexpected. Before I know it, I feel tears start streaming down my face, and as soon as they do, Tegan’s arms are around me. This was a breaking point. It just happened. I don’t know what snapped, but it did. Dammit. I really didn’t want to admit to this. I just wanted to escape my past. I just want better. My sobs start ripping through my chest, and I admit that I have never allowed myself to cry in front of anyone.

    Anyone. Ever.

    “Dammit Elli. Why didn’t you tell me?”
    “I’ve never told anyone.”

    Baby steps Elli. Baby steps. Deep breaths. As my heartbeat starts to slow down, Tegan lets go of me and looks me in the eyes.
    “Elli, when did it start?”
    “My junior year of high school is when I started making myself sick. But I’ve been dealing with my weight for as long as I can remember. I swear though, I haven’t made myself sick since I moved here.”
    “But you still have the urge to do it, don’t