The Zombie Adventures of Sarah Bellum Read Online Free PDF

bit easier for them. I'd have to get another housemate,
but the way things are going in Super-Twat's life, that eventuality
doesn't look too far off anyway.
    Hmm. Crispin Dry is
taking a while. I can see a nurse and a receptionist at the far end
of Accident & Emergency , but otherwise it's strangely
quiet. What on Earth could there be to take up a zombie's time in a
hospital?
    I slide off the slippery
chair and decide to have a stretch, and a wander around. I do feel a
bit of vertigo as I stand. Yeah – one drink and then fall
asleep, always a sign of a crap night. I lurch slightly as I aim for
the nearest door into the corridor, and follow the EXIT signs,
meaning to get a nip of fresh air.
    The doors are still open,
as the Emergency department is 24-hour here, what with the plethora
of brain-dead hopeless romantics getting methodically dismembered by
their choice of partners these days. So it's a relief to step outside
into the front car-park, and feel the cool night air blow away the
cobwebs between my own ears, taking my housemate's idiotic illusions
with them.
    The breeze also brings
the sound of a distant piano from across the main road. Feeling in
need of a musical ear-worm (to remove the remaining irritating echoes
of Douchebag's recital of gross sexual perversions she chooses to
list as her boyfriend's 'good points') I head over there, to get a
better listen.
    It's Hookah's , the
Cypriot restaurant. The waiters are just starting to clear and
re-dress tables for the next day, while one couple still sit at the
bar, finishing their coffee.
    And in the corner,
through the window, I see the grand piano. My breath stops altogether
as I see the pianist is none other than my new zombie acquaintance,
Crispin Dry.
    I push the door timidly,
and bells tinkle to announce my entrance. He stops playing abruptly,
and turns.
    "No, it was good,"
I say, encouragingly. "I love Franz Ferdinand…"
    A takeaway box is by his
feet, and I see him nudge it under the piano, embarrassed. As I get
closer, I think I see a restaurant logo I'm not familiar with… Yuman Tisseus , or something exotic like that.
    "I came back
earlier, but you were asleep, Sarah Bellummm ," he says,
reproachfully. "They took your friend to surgery…"
    "I guessed as much,"
I nod. "Budge up. More music, Maestro, please."
    He fondles the piano keys
lovingly, as I park my still decidedly dizzy butt on the tapestry
seat beside him.
    "I remember…
learning," he ponders aloud. "While I was alive. But it's
so hard to tell now. Memories after death are not the same as living
memories. They are mixed up with the total memory of Universal life.
So they may not be my memories at all."
    "I agree. I think
you may be channelling Blade Runner right now, in fact,"
I remark.
    "I was worried that
you might not be happy, after the elevator thing earlier," he
says sadly, not meeting my gaze.
    "What?" I
reply, amazed. "No! You give great elevator thing. No complaints
there." I'm secretly relieved, as I'd been worrying about the
same. My advantage in handling corpses regularly, seems to have made
up for my lack of relationship experience in that department. I
mentally notch another one up on my list of skills. I decide to push
for yet one more, while the mood is right. "Do you think the
waiters would mind if we make out on this piano?"
    The strains of Do Ya
Wanna hesitate slightly, as his prehensile gray fingers seem to
lose track of the keys.
    "I think perhaps it
would be an idea if we close the lid first, Miss Bellummm ,"
he nods, eventually. "No point tempting Fate…"

CHAPTER
SIX :
    SCAR WARS

    I gaze helplessly into
the dark stars of his eyes, as Crispin closes the piano-lid softly
down over the keys. The final few bars of his piece are still fading
away. Is he going to make the first move?
    But before either of us
can make that idea a reality, through the windows of the restaurant I
see the lights of Cramps University Hospital suddenly flicker, and
then go out.
    "Oh no!" I cry.
"A