on, I’ll get you out of trouble, at least.’ With a final despairing glance at the mumbling Doody, she wheeled Riven out.
‘Nurse,’ said Riven plaintively. ‘Nurse—’
‘What is it?’ she hissed, looking warily over her shoulder.
‘I have to have a pee, nurse...’
‘Oh, Christ! You’re kidding!’
Riven shook his head dumbly. She pushed him to the toilets used by the walking wounded of the Centre, then stood in front of him.
‘I’ll have to support you. Come on.’ She lifted Riven easily, for he was painfully thin, and half carried him to the urinals. Then she held him as he relieved himself.
‘This is the first time I’ve been upright in months,’ he said. But he was suddenly and painfully aware of the woman holding him. The feel of her, the smell of her hair. He clenched his teeth, and nodded when she asked him if he was finished. She took him back to the chair and laid him in it like a baby.
‘There. Now perhaps I can get you to bed.’ And she smiled at him, pushing a lock of hair up under her nurse’s cap.
He looked away and whispered, ‘I’m sorry.’
She actually laughed, and began trundling him along the corridors. ‘Boys will be boys, I suppose. But your head will hate you in the morning, Mr Riven.’ She put him to bed and tucked him in. ‘I think you’ll survive, but I wouldn’t try that again in a hurry. Go to sleep now. I’ve got to do something about that idiot Doody.’
She left, turning out the light as she went. Riven lay open-eyed in the darkness.
Didn’t quite make the oblivion stage.
He closed his eyes.
T HE SLEET LASHED his face, screaming out of the darkness. The ice axe slipped fractionally. He dug in deeper, hauling himself upwards and feeling for handholds. Jagged rock iced and bled his hands. He shut his eyes to the gale that hammered him, and felt his way forward.
Why? Why do it?
His boot moved up, searching for a crack in the frozen rock. Snow piled itself in every crevice of his clothing, clung there in folds and lines, clogged his ears.
I will do it. Because—
Slipping. A lightning rebalance that tore a groan past his lips, bared his teeth in a moment of helpless anger. Then he was secure again; buffeted by the storm, but holding.
Because I am one stubborn son of a bitch.
T HE FACE HE was staring at was pale and thin. The cheekbones stood out below the eyes, making them into dark hollows, though the eyes themselves were steady and grey. Fair hair fell over the scarred forehead, and a beard of the same colour sprouted on the lower face. A hand rubbed it thoughtfully.
Jesus. So this is the new me. What happened to the broad-shouldered soldier? He turned the chair away from the sink with its mirror, and made for the passage beyond it that led outside.
I was never overly tall, but I was thickset, at least. I look like a rotten stick.
The weather was cold and fine, with a mist that wreathed up from the river in the mornings and vanished by noon. He looked across the lawn to where the willows stooped, and the water glittered.
I’m going to paddle in that some day, if it kills me.
‘How’s your head then, Mr Riven?’ asked Nurse Cohen, coming up behind him.
‘It’s been better, but on the other hand it’s been much worse... How is Doody?’
‘Taking the day off. He has a stomach bug.’
‘Ah! Hope it’s not catching.’
‘I doubt it, somehow.’
‘You didn’t get in trouble, did you?’
She shook her head. ‘In the end, I simply locked the storeroom and left Doody in there to sleep it off. Luckily, he didn’t throw up. I let him out this morning and he made a mad dash for the toilet. Seems he had been crossing his legs and praying for hours.’ She laughed. ‘Well, I have to go and prepare Mr Simpson to meet the day.’ She laid a light hand on his shoulder for a second, and then left.
Riven sat quite still, feeling the cold air on his face and watching the starlings squabbling in the bird bath in the middle