The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant Read Online Free PDF Page B

the wall and chomped down on a fire extinguisher. I don’t know if this is something you’ve ever had occasions to do; however, I recommend against it unless you have a vampire’s jaws and body temperature because that stuff comes out fast, and it comes out cold. In seconds a white mist had filled the air around me, coating everything with the slick, white, flame-dousing foam. I said a silent “thank you” that it was a full-size model and not a dinky miniature. I wriggled free of Brent’s grip in the confusion, taking care once I hit the ground due to its slipperiness. From the startled yelps and sounds of impact, it seemed that the werewolves couldn’t maneuver so well in these conditions.
    I felt Brent shift from beside me and rear back. By the time his fist struck the wall, I was on his opposite side. It took only a well-timed shove to send him sprawling to the ground where he scuttled around, trying to get footing. I must say I took extreme pleasure in that part. The initial mist was already clearing, though the white foam was going nowhere, so I capitalized on the chance to free my fellow classmates.
    I didn’t bother freeing their hands; instead I pulled a knife from a nearby gladiator costume and began cutting the cords that held them to the wall. Tearing off their blindfolds as I went left them free to escape if they wanted, albeit their hands were still tied in the matter. Heh, heh.
    They were funneling out of the door to the south, and I was making good progress, but the werewolves were regaining their footing. I was only a quarter of the way through, and it began to look like that was all I would get done. The whole pack was in pure wolf form now, and with four feet on the ground and no mist in the eyes, they were rising like the tide from that cold, damp floor. I’d done all I could do, and now my only choices were to free as many as I could before they attacked, or to run like the hounds of hell were chasing me . . . which they would be.
    I flipped over the knife in my hand a few times and swallowed out of habit. No more clever justifications or stall tactics left, no way to convince myself the people I left behind would find their own way out. Anyone I left here would undoubtedly die. Painfully. Whatever I did now, I’d have to live with for the rest of my unlife. I looked at the four, behemoth killing machines advancing toward me, then at the shivering humans helplessly lined up along the wall.
    I made my decision.
    That’s when the gunshots rang out.

7.
    “ You were really waiting back in the commentator’s box that whole time?” I asked.
    “Well, not the whole time,” Krystal said. “I saw them take you down, so I followed where they brought you. The box had been trashed and I figured they’d realized I was gone. It seemed like the best place for me to be was the one I knew they wouldn’t look.” She poured five packets of sugar into her coffee, followed by at least three creamer packets. Stirring without spilling was shaping up to be an ordeal.
    Krystal and I, still in costume no less, were sitting in a small all-night diner a few miles away from the high school. It was 3 a.m., and the emergency vehicles could still be seen heading to and fro along the highway.
    “I have to wonder, what will the official story be on this?” I said as she began slurping down her diabetes in a cup.
    “Mental breakdown by charismatic former athlete prompted him to create a murder cult.” Her words came between rapid gulps of the steaming beverage.
    “And our part in it?”
    “Never happened. Local law enforcement responded with quick, surgical precision and averted a potential catastrophe. Sadly, the cult members were unwilling to listen to reason and had to be brought down. Two men on the force will be getting promotions.”
    I shook my head. “You don’t think the two men receiving these rewards will be a little suspicious?”
    “I think that this happens more than you might expect, and that the