The Unnatural Inquirer Read Online Free PDF Page B

very still and let her do it. I could feel the effort it took, for her to do that much. She trailed a fingertip across my lips—the closest we could come to a kiss. Suzie Shooter, Shotgun Suzie, who took no shit from me, or gods, or anyone in the Nightside, was still mostly helpless in the face of her own inner demons.
    I would have killed the brother who’d done this to her if she hadn’t already killed him years ago.
    “I love you, Suzie,” I said. “If you never believe anything else, believe that.”
    “I love you, John. As much as I can.”
    “That’s what matters. That’s all that matters.”
    “No it isn’t!”
    She made herself hug me, holding me tight. Her bandoliers of bracelets pressed against my chest. She was breathing hard, from the effort of what this cost her. Her whole body was stiff and tense. I didn’t know whether to put my own arms around her or not, but in the end I held her as gently as I could.
    “Love you, John,” she said, her chin on my shoulder. I couldn’t see her face. “Die for you. Kill for you. Love you till the world ends.”
    “I know,” I said. “It’s all right. Really.”
    But we both knew it wasn’t.

TWO
    Demon Girl Reporter
     
    S ome days they won’t even give you a chance to catch your breath. Suzie and I were just walking out of Fun Faire when my mobile phone rang. (The ring tone is the theme from The Twilight Zone. When I find a joke I like, I tend to stick with it.) An unctuous voice murmured in my ear.
    “You have one phone call and one important message. Which would you like to hear first?”
    “The call,” I said determinedly.
    “I’m sorry,” said the voice. “I’m afraid I have been paid to insist you listen to the important message first. Have you ever considered the importance of good Afterlife insurance?”
    I sighed, hit the exorcism function on the phone, and was gratified to hear the voice howl in pain as it was forced out of my phone. Admail…You’ll never convince me it isn’t a plot by demons from Hell to make life not worth living. With the admail banished, my call came through clearly. It was my teenage secretary, Cathy, calling from my office. (I’d rescued her from a house that ate people, and she adopted me. I didn’t get a say in the matter. I let her run my office to keep her out of my hair. Worryingly, she’s far better at it than I ever was.)
    “Got a case for you, boss,” she said cheerfully.
    “I’ve just completed two in a row,” I said plaintively. “I was looking forward to some serious quality time, with a nice hot bath and my rubber ducky. Rubber ducky is my friend.”
    “Oh, you’ll want to take this one,” said Cathy. “The offices of the one and only Unnatural Inquirer called. They need your services desperately, not to mention very urgently.”
    “What on earth does that appalling rag want with me? Or have they finally decided to hire someone to try to find their long-missing ethics and good taste?”
    “Rather doubt it, boss. They wouldn’t go into details over an open line, but they sounded pretty upset. And the money offered really is very good.”
    “How good?” I said immediately.
    “Really quite staggeringly good,” said Cathy. “Which means that not only are they pants-wettingly desperate, but there has to be one hell of a catch hidden away in it somewhere. Go on, boss, take the case. I’d love to hear what goes on in that place. They have all the best stories; I never miss an issue.”
    “The Unnatural Inquirer is a squalid, scabrous, tabloid disgrace,” I said sternly. “And the truth is not in it.”
    “Who cares about truth, as long as they have all the latest gossip and embarrassing celebrity photos? Oh please please please…”
    I looked at Suzie. “Do you need me to…?”
    “Go,” she said. “I have to claim my bounty money.”
    She strode off, not looking back. Suzie’s never been big on good-byes.
    “All right,” I said into the phone. “Give me the