want it to be perfect for her too.â Of course, it could also be an ideal opportunity to discover if Jacob was ready to hear about the existence of his daughter. The guilt had been eating her up ever since heâd left her office that evening. Watching Ivy splash about in her bath, tucking her in after her story... She couldnât help but think how Jacob had already missed four years of those things. And even if he didnât want to be part of them, she knew she owed him the chance to choose for himself.
Except that heâd already made his decision painfully clear five years ago. She had no reason to imagine that decision had changedâapart from him wanting to organise Christmas for his family. Was that enough proof? How could she be sure? Only by spending time with him. And there was the rub.
âYou always want everything to be perfect,â Merry moaned. âBut I take your point. Does...does he know? About Ivy?â
A chill slithered down Claraâs spine. âI donât think so. Not that it would be any of his business, anyway. I didnât fall pregnant with her until after I left.â She hated lying. But sheâd been telling this one for so long she didnât know how to stop.
If she told Jacob the truth, sheâd have to tell Merry too. And Ivy, of course. And Jacobâs family. Sheâd be turning everybodyâs lives upside down. Did she have the right to do that? But then, how could she not? Didnât Jacobâs father deserve the chance to know his granddaughter before he died? Or would that only make it worse, having so little time with her?
What on earth was she supposed to do? When sheâd left, it had all seemed so clear. But now...
âI know, I know. Your one and only one-night stand,â Merry said, still blissfully ignorant of the truth, and Claraâs internal battle. âStill, it might make a difference if you explained why you canât go to Scotland for Christmas. Maybe heâd be satisfied with me going instead, once youâve done the set-up.â
âMaybe,â Clara allowed, but even as she said it she knew it wasnât true. Jacob wouldnât take second best. Not that Merry was, of courseâshe was every bit as brilliant at her job as Clara was at hers. That was why Perfect London worked so well. But Jacobâs plan involved Clara being there, and she suspected he wouldnât give that up for anything. Even if it meant letting down a little girl at Christmas. âIâd rather not tell him,â she said finally. âThe dates are close, Iâll admit, and I donât want him using Ivy as an excuse to hold up the divorce while we get paternity tests done and so on. Not when Iâm finally on the verge of getting my freedom back.â And not when the results wouldnât be in her favour.
âOnly if you take on the project,â Merry pointed out. âThat was the deal, right? Organise Christmas, get divorce. Turn him down...â
âAnd heâll drag this out with the lawyers for another five years,â Clara finished. âYouâre right. Damn him.â
She tried to sound upset at the prospect, for Merryâs sake. But another five years of limbo meant another five years of not having to pluck up the courage to tell Jacob the truth. And part of her, the weakest part, couldnât deny that the idea had its appeal.
But no. If his arriving unannounced had taught her anything it was that it was time for the truth to come out, or be buried forever. No more maybe one day. She needed to move on properly. If Jacob still felt the same way about kids as he had when they were married, then her decision was easy. Get the divorce, move on with her life and let him live his own without worrying about a daughter that heâd never wanted.
If heâd changed his mind, however...
Clara sighed. If sheâd known she was pregnant before sheâd left, she would have had