The Trouble with Emily Dickinson Read Online Free PDF Page B

away in the affluent Rolling Hills,
a suburb of Richmond, and her mother was forcing her to attend a
bridal shower for her older sister. The only thing that eased
Queenie’s mind about being home was the fact that she secretly had
planned her biggest revenge on her family to date.
    As far as JJ knew, Queenie’s mother, father
and sister were the only ones who were aware of her sexual
orientation. About two years earlier her father had threatened to
disown her after her mother caught Queenie in the guest bedroom
kissing a female member of the cleaning staff. But with a little
convincing from Mrs. McBride, he’d learned to live with the
situation.
    It seemed as though Queenie’s main goal in
life was to antagonize her parents. She’d succeeded plenty of times
before: by getting kicked out of three other private schools, by
spending a summer in a juvenile detention hall for stealing from a
high-end fashion boutique frequented by her mother, by hanging with
what they considered was the wrong crowd, and by spending her
parents’ money as though she were playing a mean game of
Monopoly.
    But Queenie was planning her biggest
production yet. At her sister’s wedding reception she would
announce in her maid of honor speech that she was gay. It would be
an affair to remember, one that the assembly of guests could never
forget, Queenie promised, when she first disclosed her devious
little plan to JJ.
    Of all the stunts Queenie had ever pulled,
this was going to be the most outrageous of them all. JJ shook her
head in disbelief. Sometimes it seemed as though Queenie lived
inside a movie script rather than in reality.
    Even though JJ’s own family initially had a
hard time accepting the news when she told them that she was gay,
they eventually came around. It was the most difficult thing she’d
done in her short life thus far, and she couldn’t imagine how
anything could be harder. She and her family were close. Her older
brother recently had graduated from college and taught math at a
local high school. Her mother also was a teacher, and her father
sold advertising space for a local paper.
    JJ remembered the night clearly, and had
replayed it in her mind repeatedly. It was early June. She’d just
finished her sophomore year at Sampson Academy and was in search of
a summer job. Her parents had remained quiet that week, thinking
she was depressed because she was stuck at home for the summer and
hadn’t yet found a job so that she could make some extra money.
That, of course, was not the reason.
    From the moment JJ had stepped into the
house, she knew she was going to have to tell them the truth. Her
mother still hung on to the hope that she’d outgrow this so-called
tomboy phase. But it wasn’t a phase. Her father, whom she loved and
respected more than anyone else in her life, didn’t know the real
her. It was eating her alive. With each passing day, JJ grew
increasingly reserved. Her head constantly spun with the
anticipated conversation, from the moment she awoke each morning
until she lay awake, wide-eyed, in her bed each night. She felt as
if she’d been carrying on an act, being untrue to both herself and
them.
    JJ had always amazed herself with how easily
words came to her, yet when she needed them the most, she couldn’t
find them. There was no plan, no designated date or time, to tell
her family. The feeling kept swelling until it became too big for
her body, until she had no other choice but to let it out from
inside of her so that she could breathe easily once again.
    Finally, about two weeks after she‘d arrived
home, the night had come. She and her parents sat at the kitchen
table, eating dinner. Roast beef and vegetables, JJ remembered. She
could barely swallow her potatoes. Her feeling of dread had grown
so massive it was filling up her throat.
    “Why are you so quiet?” her mother had asked,
so caring and so sincere.
    “Are you upset that you haven’t found a job
yet?” asked her father. “I could