The Sunflower: A Novel Read Online Free PDF

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    Christine set the notebook on the table, went to the stove and turned on a flame beneath the kettle. She planned to lose six pounds before the wedding and was halfway there, living on herbal tea and spinach.
    As she was taking the tea caddy from the cupboard, someone knocked at her door. She crossed the room and opened it. Martin stood in the hallway.
    Martin was an immaculate dresser, and even though it was the weekend, he wore perfectly pressed slacks, a bright polo shirt and a tweed jacket. “May I come in?” His voice was tight.
    “Of course. What’s wrong?”
    He didn’t answer and she stepped into him, wrapping her arms around him. He pulled her to his chest. After a moment he said softly, “We need to talk.”
    She stepped back and looked into his face. Something in his expression frightened her. “What is it?”
    He stepped into the room, walked over to the kitchen table and sat down, momentarily resting his face in his hands. Christine walked over and turned off the stereo. She felt her stomach twisting in panic. “Do you want a Coke?”
    “No.”
    “Something stronger?”
    “No.”
    She sat down across from him at the table. “What’s up?”
    He was quiet for a moment then looked up into her eyes. “I can’t do it, Christine.”
    “Can’t do what?”
    “Get married.”
    For a moment she stared at him, not believing he could really be serious. Her throat went dry. “Did I do something?”
    “No.”
    “Then what didn’t I do? I don’t understand.”
    There was no reply.
    Her eyes began to fill with tears. “Is there someone else?”
    “No.” He stood, looking awkward. For a moment he stared at the carpet, then he looked up at her, his face bent in pain. “I’m just not ready for this. It all happened too fast…It was like the Christine bridal train just picked up speed before I could jump off.”
    She felt numb. “That’s what you want? To jump off?”
    “No, it’s not what I want. I mean…” He again exhaled in exasperation. His voice softened. “I can’t do it, Chris, I just can’t do it now.”
    “The wedding’s a week away; the invitations have been sent. My bachelorette party is tonight.”
    “I should have said something earlier.”
    She looked at him sharply. “Earlier would have been better.” She dropped her head on the table. “I can’t believe this…” She began to cry.
    “Hey,” he said softly. He reached over and touched her hair, but she pushed his hand away. He walked around the table and squatted down close to her. “I love you, Chris…”
    “And this is how you show me?”
    “Would you rather have found out after we’re married that I wasn’t ready? You want me to fake being happy?”
    She covered her face with her hands. “I thought you were happy.” Her voice cracked. “I thought you wanted me.”
    “Of course I do. Just not like this.” He stroked back her hair. “What do you want me to do? You want to just go ahead with this?”
    She glared at him. “Right, my dream wedding.” She pulled the ring off her finger and threw it at him. It fell on the floor. “Take your ring and go. Just leave me alone.”
    He took a deep breath, rose, then bent over to lift the ring. “I was hoping you’d understand.” He walked over to the door. “I’m really sorry, Christine. I know it seems cruel. And I know it’s not fair. But marrying you, when I feel like this, would have been even worse.” He paused for a moment, then opened the door. “I’ll call you later.”
    She didn’t look up at him. “Please. Go away.”
    When the door shut, it felt as if her heart had been closed in it. Desperation rose in her chest and she wanted to run after him and beg him to stay. Instead she fell back onto the table and sobbed uncontrollably.
    Across the room the teakettle began to whistle.

Chapter
Four
    American culture is a curious thing. We fret over a sport star’s twisted ankle or the ill-fated marriage of celebrities, yet lose no sleep over a