The Straight Man - Roger L Simon Read Online Free PDF

Ilie Nastase. I Vasile
Nastase."
    The elevator opened on the penthouse suite. "Vasile
Nastase from Moldavia. Near place you Americans know very
good—Transylvania!" He laughed as if this were a huge joke,
then suddenly looked grave as we took a step forward into the foyer
of the D'Avignon Suite. Not surprisingly, a reproduction of Picasso's
famous Demoiselles was staring us straight in the face as we entered.
Nastase dropped to his knees and crossed himself. "This sad
place, mister."
    "Yeah," I said. "I heard. Some
comedian committed suicide here the other week." I walked into
the living room while Nastase lurked in the doorway. It seemed as if
the police investigation had been completed. The usual warnings about
evidence-tampering were gone and everything was meticulously turned
out like a normal hotel room between guests. If there had been any
indications of struggle, they were long gone. I continued into the
bedroom, Nastase shuffling reluctantly behind me as if Dracula's own
curse were in the air. "But I'm not superstitious, are you?"
    " The Romanian Orthodox Church is autocephalous,
mister."
    "Autocephalous?"
    "Not under jurisdiction of other church. Has own
bishop in Bucharest even under Communists?"
    "What does that have to do with superstition?"
I walked out onto the balcony.
    "No. Don't go there. Is bad place."
    I ignored him and went over to the balcony rail,
glancing up from Ptak's grim destination to the glittering view that
went straight down La Cienega past Baldwin Hills to the airport. Then
I turned back to Vasile, whose bull-like Greco-Roman presence was
lurking at the balcony entrance.
    "Where were you when it happened?"
    "I not here," he said flatly.
    "Well, that's good. Fellow like that falls off a
building, I imagine the police would ask a lot of questions."
    "They ask, but so what?"
    "Yeah, so what? If you're not here, you're not
here. Where were you then?"
    "Why you ask?" He took a step toward me.
    "Curiosity. I'm in the leather business and I'm
interested in people's motivations. For sales."
    "Well, I not here. I tell you. I not like your
questions, mister. How you know so much about Romania?"
    "I don't know much about Romania. All I know are
Nastase and Nadia Comaneci."
    Vasile didn't look appeased. He took another step
toward me. I walked past him back inside, just to be on the safe
side.
    "One other question. My business
partners—they're very nervous about fire. How do you get out of
here, in case of an emergency?"
    Vasile came back in and unbolted the fire door
without comment. It led down a dark industrial stair.
    "Pretty spooky in there," I said. "Suppose
you're playing around back there, you know, just for fun, and you get
stuck. Can you get back in?"
    "Then you stupid," he said.
    5
    "The French-Canadian? Her name is Chantal
Barrault."
    "Barreled?"
    "Not Barreled, you illiterate. Bah-row.
    Like Jean-Louis Barrault, the great movie star from
the Golden Age of the Cinema."
    "Before Cheech and Chong?"
    "Smart guy. Always a smart guy. Maybe you should
be in therapy, the way you always mask your aggressive feelings in a
wise remark." I had been driving Sonya back to the senior
citizens center, listening to her evaluations of the various comics.
"That's what the rest of them do, attack the audience like that
dreadful Rivers woman or make stupid jokes about cocaine. Cocaine has
replaced mothers-in-law as the major source of humor. Whatever
happened to Lenny Bruce? Now, there was a man. By the way, you might
be interested to know there's a big competition between the Fun Zone
and that other comedy club, Joysville."
    "I think we're being followed."
    "Really?" Sonya brightened. I knew she'd
like that. What the hell—at seventy-three you might as well have a
little action in your life. There aren't that many more chances.
    "How do you know?"
    "The car behind us has its right headlight out."
    "Yeah? So?"
    "At the last stoplight it had its left one out."
    "You mean they switch 'em back and forth?"
    "With a