time of his appointment and added my final instructions: “Remember, this is a full-time valet position, although you can come home at night. Don’t take it unless you’re up for it. The pay is fifty dollars an hour. Spend the weekend reading up on what modern valets do—don’t just watch a marathon of Jeeves and Wooster, okay? Your job is to take care of Mr. Winslow and keep an eye on the help. Make sure nothing is amiss; report to me every few days. If I drop by the house at some point to meet with Mr. Winslow, you don’t know me. Got it? You’re in there undercover.”
“Anything else, boss?” Len asked with a wink.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Lose the soul patch.”
“Thank god!” Christopher exclaimed, as if it was a long-fought battle and the victory was finally his.
EX-BOYFRIEND #12
Connor phoned me as I was crossing the bridge.
“Where are ya?” he said with a rough edge.
I told him.
“Where are ya headed?”
“I thought I’d drop by the bar and surprise you.”
“It’s not a surprise if ya do it almost every day.”
“Well, would you like a different kind of surprise?” I said, not liking the tone in his voice.
“For instance?”
“Me changing the locks on my apartment,” I suggested.
“Don’t you sass me after the day I’ve had,” Connor said, and for some reason I could pinpoint the exact source of his agitation.
“Did my mother happen to drop by the bar today?”
“She certainly did,” Connor replied. “And you, young lady, have some explaining to do.”
An hour and a half later, and forty-five minutes into the explaining, the conversation hadn’t taken any turns, for better or for worse.
“Let me get this straight,” Connor said. “You will be dating other men while you’re seeing me, but I’m not allowed to see other women.”
“You’ve got the basic idea down,” I said, “but somehow when you say it, it sounds unreasonable.”
“It is unreasonable!” Connor shouted.
I should mention that since it was still early in the evening, Connor was the only bartender on shift and so our conversation was pretty much free entertainment for the regulars, primarily Clarence.
“But they’re not real dates,” I calmly replied. “I don’t want to go on them either. But if I go, I think she’ll leave us alone for a while. At least that’s what she promised.” 1
“She didn’t leave me alone today,” he said.
Excellent point, but I didn’t mention that.
“Well, she thought if she broke the news to you, she could put a slant on things that would interfere with our relationship.”
“I think you dating other men will interfere with our relationship as it is.”
“Why can’t I get it through your thick skull? They’re fake dates. I’m going out with lawyers to improve our relationship.”
“Why is it that half o’ what you say doesn’t make a damn bit o’ sense?”
“Not half,” I replied. “Crunch your numbers again.”
“You’re right,” Connor replied. “More like 60 percent.”
“Better than a lot of people in this city,” I replied.
“But worse than most.”
A long silence followed. I was afraid that Connor would see this last bit in a string of family interventions as his final breaking point. I had to figure out the best way to phrase things.
“Why don’t you look at it this way?” I suggested. “For a half hour, twice a month, I’ll be having coffee or some other kind of beverage with other men. I should point out that I meet with male clients all the time and we drink things together. And rarely do we end up having sex. Rarely. ”
Connor didn’t respond, but he did this head-nod, which meant that the fight was out of him. I leaned across the bar and kissed Connor on the cheek.
“You’re the best Irish boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
“That’s not funny anymore,” Connor replied, trying to fight off a smile.
Then my phone conveniently rang.
It was Maggie.
“Hi, Isabel. I need a Rae extraction.”
RAE’S
Terra Wolf, Artemis Wolffe, Wednesday Raven, Rachael Slate, Lucy Auburn, Jami Brumfield, Lyn Brittan, Claire Ryann, Cynthia Fox