The Soul Room Read Online Free PDF

just back me up? Just for once?’ Mum’s voice is thin
and screechy. We don’t like hearing mum argue the most. I don’t know why. She
sounds sadder. ‘Can’t you just trust me? Trust in me and not make me give you a
list of reasons? Just this once?’
    ‘So what the hell do I say to Fabrizio and Rosa? What possible excuse am
I supposed to come up with? Especially now they’ve had another baby, and you
heard what Rosa told us, that he’s got problems with his brain.  He could die
any minute.’
    ‘Or he could live till he’s 90, for God sake don’t be over-dramatic.’
    ‘But what AM I supposed to say to them?!’ ‘I’m sorry, my wife has
developed an irrational and sudden phobia about Italy? She always acted like
she liked you but actually she thinks you’re a pair of spoilt nouveau riche
twats? ’ ‘
    ‘Duncan, don’t you dare!’
    ‘Well what am I supposed to say?’
    ‘For God’s sake, use your imagination – the cost – can’t get away from
work – anything!’
    ‘But why Jane? Why on earth can’t we take up their invitation and
go? It was such a magical holiday, Maddie still talks about it, and they’ve got
a baby boy now. And Dan loves babies.’
    ‘Duncan…can’t…you…just…fucking…LEAVE IT?!’  Mum screams the last two
words and then bursts out into the hall. Dan and me are frozen still. Mum
doesn’t see us, she’s got her face in her hands and she’s gasping, and her
shoulders are going up and down like she’s been drowning and has just managed
to come up for air. Dan starts to cry and mum’s face comes up out of her hands
slowly like she’s really really tired. She looks up and spots us and her face
goes white. ‘Oh God, I’m sorry sweethearts, I’m so sorry. Mum and Dad were
just…’ She comes up the stairs and gives us both a hug. She’s trembling. ‘I
know you think I’m being mean, but I’m not, It’s just that...’
    I want to tell her that it’s ok, but somehow I can’t. I really really
wanted to see Collette and Mum’s stopping me. ‘I think we’d better get back to
bed mum.’
    ‘Yes sweetheart, let’s get you both back in bed.
    She takes a hand each and leads us across the landing. Five minutes after
she’s tucked me in and gone the door opens.
    ‘Can I sleep with you Maddie?’
    I shift over and lift up the duvet for him so he can get in.

Italy 2006
     
    For two days
after Amarena’s visit Sergio didn’t appear. I got on with my usual things,
gardening and swimming, but I couldn’t help feeling increasingly anxious. I
kept on thinking about the things Fabrizio had said. His arrogance and
assumptions infuriated me, but I also couldn’t shake the fear that he was
right. I spent over an hour on the phone to my dad, he didn’t want me to leave
Italy, or so he said. He didn’t want me worrying about Dan. Last time he’d gone
AWOL he was away for two weeks without calling and it turned out he’d been
living on a council estate in Manchester, researching his next book.
    Eventually, just after lunchtime on the third day, Sergio appeared at the
gate. He looked hot and angry. He strode up to me and barely looking at me,
pulled me into the house. Once we were in the kitchen, he held my arms
painfully tight and started kissing me crazily on my neck and chest. He ripped
at my top.  A part of me wanted him to be rough. Somehow it assuaged my
guilt at not being able to give him what he wanted. I gasped and twisted away
from him but I didn’t say no, and I didn’t say stop. He took advantage of my
turning and pushed me down on the work counter. The shock of the cold tiles
against my face helped me come to my senses. ‘No Sergio!’ I felt him slacken
against me. We were both still and silent for a moment, our breathing slowing
and finally coinciding. ‘Not like this, not in anger.’
    'I’m sorry Maddie, I’m sorry please forgive me’.
     I felt winded and my knees began to buckle. ‘Let’s have a drink.’ I felt
along the counter and