The Secret 05 Ella and Micha: Infinitely and Always Read Online Free PDF Page B

wrong?”
    She shrugs as she checks her reflection in the mirror, wiping a dab of lipstick from her teeth. “There might be, but with five positives, I doubt it.”
    I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling the floor crumbling beneath me. “Now what do I do?” I whisper.
    When she places her hands on my shoulders, my eyelids open. “You tell Micha.” She looks over my shoulder and at me in the mirror. “And then you two get to celebrate.”
    Lila is obviously happy about this and thinks I should be equally as happy. She doesn’t know—doesn’t understand—my fear of being a mother. From the day Micha and I first started talking about having children, I worried I couldn’t be a mother. That, if I had a child of my own, I wouldn’t know what to do with it since my own mother never seemed to know what to do with me. I actually spent many years taking care of her until I was about seventeen, and she took her own life. Left this world.
    And now I’m supposed to bring someone into this world?
    “I think I need to get ready for the concert,” I mumble, offering Lila a fake smile when she narrows her eyes at me.
    “Let me know how it goes,” she replies as she turns to leave. Then she pauses in the doorway and looks over her shoulder at me. “And, Ella, be happy. This is a happy thing, okay?”
    My smile grows even faker. “Okay.”
    Her smile seems as sad as mine, but at the moment, I don’t have the energy to pick us both up.
    Once she leaves the bathroom, I slam the door shut and collapse to my knees on the tile floor. God, I wish I had someone a little more understanding to talk to, wish I had a mother to call up and ask for advice. But, all I have is a father who hardly ever was a father to me until I was about twenty.
    Lila, even though she means well, is too excited over this. She doesn’t get the undiluted terror I feel just thinking those test could be true. The sheer and utter horror over the fact that I might be a mother soon, and I have absolutely no idea what that entails.
    As the realization weighs on me, I lie down on the floor, and for the first time in a long time, I cry my heart out.

 

Chapter 4
     
    Micha
     
    Ella doesn’t show up at my final performance for the tour, and her phone is sending me straight to voicemail every time I call her. I’m trying not to lose my shit over not being able to get a hold of her. More than likely, she’s locked herself up in the attic to paint and has lost track of time—it’s happened before.
    I had such huge plans for us tonight. Dinner after the concert, dancing, sex, going home, sex, talking about what’s going on in my career. Sex. Sex. Sex. But, as I pull up to our house and see that all the lights are off, my worry rockets through the roof.
    I quickly park the car in the garage, silence the engine, and then rush into the house. The alarm doesn’t go off, which means it wasn’t set, making my worry escalate.
    “Ella!” I call out as I drop the car keys onto the kitchen counter and dash for the stairway. “Ella, baby, are you home?”
    When I reach the top of the stairs, I hurry to our bedroom door and push it open. Immediately, my heart settles.
    Ella is curled up in a ball on the bed, fast asleep.
    I cross the room, sink down on the edge of the mattress beside her, and watch her sleep peacefully, softly breathing in and out.
    “God, I’m so glad to be home,” I whisper as I kick my boots off.
    As they thud against the floor, Ella’s eyelids flutter open. She glances up at me, bleary eyed and disoriented. “Am I dreaming?” she asks as her gaze skims the room then lands back on me.
    I sweep her hair out of her eyes. “No, baby, this isn’t a dream. I’m here.”
    “What about earlier today?” she mutters as she sits up in bed and stretches her arms above her head. “Was that a dream?”
    My brows furrow. “What happened earlier today?”
    Her gaze flicks to the bathroom door, then she blinks back to me. “Nothing. I just got sick.” She