The Reformed Vampire Support Group Read Online Free PDF Page B

suggested, before his arm was knocked aside by a furious Sanford Plackett.
    ‘There might be fingerprints!’ Sanford hissed. Whereupon Horace scowled.
    ‘
What?
’ he squawked. ‘Don’t be so stupid!’
    ‘It’s evidence, Horace!’
    ‘
Bite me
, Sanford!’
    ‘Hello there!’ said Father Ramon. Though his voice was steady, his hands were shaking; I could tell by the way the candle flame flickered. ‘My name is Ramon Alvarez,’ he continued, addressing one of the cupboard doors. ‘I’m a Catholic priest, and I mean you no harm. Why don’t you come out and talk to us? We won’t hurt you, I swear.’
    There was no response. Not even a creak or a shuffle.
    ‘Maybe we should fetch that stool from the other room.’ Dave was talking under his breath. ‘Or a knife from the kitchen …’
    But it was too late. All at once the priest leaned forward, yanking open the door in front of him.
    He jumped back just in time to dodge a long-handled spade.
    It fell onto the floor with a mighty
clang
, barely missing his toes. I must have screamed, because Dave began to pat me on the shoulder. ‘It’s okay. It’s nothing,’ he said, without much conviction.
    Meanwhile Father Ramon had opened the second door, and the third. Behind each of them I could see jangling coathangers, discarded shoes, a collection of dowdy overcoats and a high shelf stuffed with shirts and towels and knitwear – but no lurking assassin. There wasn’t even a muddy footprint, or a telltale hint of disarrayamong the contents of the wardrobe.
    ‘No one’s in here,’ the priest said with a sigh. He bent to pick up the spade, which was encrusted with dried soil.
    I wondered if Casimir had been burying his dead guinea pigs.
    ‘Someone should call Gladys,’ Sanford urged, sounding deeply shaken. ‘Tell her to lock the doors and stay in the car.’
    Almost without thinking, I fumbled in my pocket, searching for my mobile phone. Dave and Horace did likewise. But when Sanford plunged his hand into Casimir’s ashes, I forgot about Gladys. For a moment I just stared in disbelief.
    Because Casimir’s face was gone. It had crumbled away beneath Sanford’s touch.
    ‘
What are you doing?
’ I yelped.
    ‘We can’t let anyone find him like this.’ Sanford’s lips were trembling. His eyes were glistening. I’d never seen him so agitated. ‘You know what will happen. We can’t risk it.’
    ‘Sanford’s right.’ Horace muscled in before I could object. ‘Jesus, Nina, we don’t want the police to see! What if they work out that Casimir was a vampire?’
    I had to laugh, though it wasn’t funny. Not the least little bit. ‘There’s a
coffin
in here, Horace!’ I reminded him. ‘Of course they’ll work it out!’
    ‘No they won’t,’ said Father Ramon, his expression grave and tired. ‘They’ll think poor Casimir was mentally unbalanced.’ And he laid his hand gently on the coffin. ‘What should be done with the ashes?’ he asked Sanford. ‘How should they be interred? What will the official cause of death be, in such a case?’
    These were all good questions. Unfortunately, they were also hard to answer. Try telling the police that someone has turned to ash after being staked in the heart, and see how far it gets you.
    ‘Do we have to tell the coppers?’ I objected. ‘We don’t want thempoking around. Suppose they come looking for us? Suppose they find Casimir’s address book?’
    Suddenly I stopped, appalled by a terrible possibility. If the
killer
had found Casimir’s address book, then he (or she) might already know our names – and where we lived.
    The same notion must have occurred to everyone else in that room at exactly the same instant. We stared at each other for two or three seconds, in absolute horror, before Dave croaked: ‘Did Casimir even
have
an address book?’
    Nobody knew. Not even Father Ramon. Horace began to claw at his hair.
    ‘This is bad,’ he shrilled. ‘This is
bad
.’
    ‘We have to go.’ Dave