The Red Thread Read Online Free PDF

already sad, but if someone broke my heart… what would be left of me?

CHAPTER FOUR
     
     
    I’VE NEVER actually thought about relationships or boyfriends before. Well, I have, but never about actually having one in reality. It’s always been a nice thought, but I always figured never for me. That happens to sane, happy guys. Not guys like me. For me the idea of a relationship has been nothing but stories. I read about them, and I hear about them, but it’d never actually happen in reality to a guy like me. It’s merely fantasy.
    My parents seem happy together. But all this happiness can lead to something much more painful. I’ve seen what heartbreak has done to people. Alex’s ex-girlfriend Nikki broke his heart last week. He’s been curled up in bed and walking around in a daze. His heart was shattered, and he looked as if he was about to keel over and die at a moment’s notice. I’m already unhappy, why would I want to be even more unhappy? Love is like a bomb, ready to explode at a moment’s notice.
    For as long as I’ve known I have never been happy. People look down on me for being sad. Ever since I got out of the hospital, the people in this small town stare at me like I’m some kind of pariah, but are any of these people truly that content with their own lives that they can look down their noses at me? Is anyone truly ever happy? Or is it just a myth, some lie we’re all told to believe? Maybe my parents aren’t even happy? Maybe they are just buying into a societal norm that doesn’t actually exist. Society tells us all these things we should do. Society tells us that as long as we buy that nice car or that new iPod, we’ll be happy. It’s all so superficial. We might think we’re happy, but we’re really not. We’re just enjoying whatever new materialistic item we find. But that’s not happiness. Even love is superficial. It’s an idea we trick ourselves into believing so that we can be happy. Happiness is the biggest lie we tell ourselves.
    I listen to the wind as it blows outside on this sleepless night. The branches, with the dying leaves, scratch along my window. The shadows of the branches stretch out along my walls like the fingers of a monster in a horror film. I stand up, wrapping the blanket around my body and stride over to the window. I look out at the night sky and look up at the moon shining high above, only half-full. I watch the leaves fall off the trees as they dance in the wind.
    I throw my blanket to the ground, and I pull on a pair of dark skinny jeans over my briefs, and I pull on a tight sweater. I slowly sneak outside of the house, careful not to wake my parents. I lightly close the door and pocket my key. I zip up my hoodie and tug it over my head, and I start to walk. To where, I don’t know. I just let my legs take me wherever they want to go.
    The night is cold, and the wind is brisk. I find myself in the old children’s park I used to spend time at with Ali, before she moved away. As kids we used to just sit on the swings, and I’d close my eyes and dream of flying. It was a time when I dreamed that in my future I’d be happy. I wish I could go back in time and tell that little kid he was wrong. It just got worse in the future.
    I wonder if Ali ever thinks of me.
    I sit on the swing, and I close my eyes, and I kick off the ground. I feel the bitter wind numb my cheeks, but I ignore it. I just allow myself to go faster, higher with each swing.
    Higher and higher I soar. I imagine myself letting go of the creaky chains, but instead of being met with the ground, I’m met with the air. I’d just soar high above the town. I’d just float away, end up in some strange town, different from my own. No one would know who I was. I’d change my name and start a new life. Would I be happier? Probably not, but I like to pretend that in my nonsensical fantasy, I am happier wherever I end up.
    The crunching of leaves catches my ears, and I open my eyes. I’m pulled back to