The Red Cardigan Read Online Free PDF Page B

gripping her throat.
    â€˜No, no, no,’ she cries, thumping her fist on her thigh andbanging her heel on the hard floor. ‘What do you want? Can’t you just leave me alone?’
    She sits there detached from any sense of time, every nerve in her body struggling to erase the face from her mind.
    â€˜Go, go,’ she commands, rubbing the tips of her fingers across her forehead. ‘Please go? Please? Don’t do this again. I can’t help you.’
    â€˜Evie?’ her father’s voice sounds like it’s echoing through the door.
    â€˜Y-yeah?’ Evie hears her bones crack as she struggles to her feet. Her backside tingles with the flow of fresh blood. ‘I’m nearly finished.’
    â€˜You’ve been in there a hell of a long time.’ He hesitates. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’
    Evie’s hand supports her back as she leans over and flushes the toilet.
    â€˜I’m fine. I’ll be out in a sec.’
    â€˜Well, goodnight,’ he says. ‘I’m off to bed.’
    â€˜Night.’
    She looks at her watch. It’s nearly eleven. How has she let time escape her control again? She washes her face and stares in the mirror. The whites of her eyes are bloodstained and her pupils expanded into the blue. She smiles at her reflection and it smiles back. She strokes her cheek and the girl in the mirror does the same.
    â€˜It’s me,’ she says, touching the mirror. ‘Yes, it’s definitely me.’
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    That night, Evie dreams of a young woman, a little older than herself. The girl stands with her back to Evie. Her dark copper-red hair hangs to her waist. It is matted at the crown of her head. She holds up her hand to show a ruby ring in the shape of a heart. A rumbling sound in the distance grows louder. It bursts into Evie’s dream, all bells and thundering. The girl turns around. It is the same face as the one in the portrait. The girl reaches out her hand and tries to grab the sleeve of Evie’s cardigan. Evie wants to help, she knows it’s the right thing to do, it’s what she’s here for – but the pain and dread surrounding the girl are too much. Evie tries to pull her sleeve from the girl’s grip. The girl holds on, stretching the sleeve towards her. Evie struggles to free her arms from the cardigan, then she runs. She turns back to see the girl doing up the cardigan. It is then she notices the buttons: they are little blue teddies.
    â€˜It’s mine,’ the girl whispers.
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    Evie opens her eyes and stares at the ceiling. She turns on the lamp and looks around the room. The furniture is in the same place and the blind is still down. She rolls up the sleeve of her pyjamas and runs her hand along her arm. It feels soft and warm. She smells her skin; the scent is hers. She looks in the mirror. The side of her face is creased from the blanket and her eyes are small, like they should be after sleep.
    â€˜It’s still me,’ she whispers.
    Evie plays her Jeff Buckley CD softly.
    â€˜Fall in light, fall in light. Feel no shame for what you are. Feel no shame for what you are.’
    When she loses control and the darkness stalks her she feels as though these words were meant for her.
    â€˜Fall in light, grow in light.’
    Evie holds up her hand, her long fingers curling in the shadows.
    â€˜Don’t belong. Don’t belong. You and the stars. Throwing light … Fall in light, fall in light …’
    Evie opens her mouth, catching a tear that runs down her face.
    â€˜Don’t belong. Don’t belong,’ she whispers.
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    â€˜Here we are.’ Evie hands Alex the blue beaded cardigan.
    â€˜Thanks.’ Alex hugs her. ‘I wish everything was, you know, normal and that you would come to the party.’
    â€˜How can I?’
    Alex plays with her fingers. ‘Is it going to be like this forever?’
    â€˜Like how?’
    â€˜Like you never