Miss Kelly to tell us about mile-high tidal waves. Anything! She’s been talking about EU livestock quotas for forty minutes.
LATER
I have decided that Mum needs my help to get over thisterrible writer’s block. I mentioned this to Rachel this evening and she laughed. I’m glad she finds me so amusing . When I’ve single-handedly saved our mother’s career she’ll be sorry. Of course, I’m just not sure how I’m going to do it yet. But I’ll come with something. God knows my life is so boring I have plenty of time to use my imagination . It seems as though all bestselling books for grown-ups include three women who are meant to be very different but are all the same really (their hair is usually different colours , but that’s about it) and how their friendship supports them through the hard times. And as it is a book by my mum, then there will have to be a devoted mammy who dispenses wisdom to her daughters (very unlike my own mother, I must say). I could even write it myself, actually. How hard could writing a book be?
FRIDAY
Miss Kelly seems to have reached a compromise. She did boring geography for about half an hour and then gave us a passionate lecture on the evils of not washing everythingwe put into the green recycling bin. It’s nice to have her back. Well, not nice, exactly, because she’s always a bit scary and sometimes when she’s been particularly extreme I have nightmares about the end of the world, but it’s better than learning about the GDP of Belgium.
Called in to Cass’s after school. Alice couldn’t come because her guitar teacher was sick on Tuesday, when she normally has classes, and she had to switch days. Alice is quite good at the guitar, but she’s learning classical guitar so she doesn’t have an electric one, just an acoustic one with big plastic strings. She can play some cool stuff on it anyway. Apparently her dad has an electric one somewhere but it doesn’t have an amplifier so it’s no use. Anyway, Cass’s brother is so annoying. We were in her room trying to have a serious conversation (well, sort of. Actually, Cass was telling me about her recurring dream in which Miss Kelly has challenged her to a duel like in days of old, and Cass only has twenty-four hours to learn how to use a sword. She doesn’t know what on earth this means. Neither do I, although I did have a few theories, mostly about global warming). But Nick kept coming in saying stupid and usually disgusting things like, ‘Did you know thehuman body is 90% snot?’ (which isn’t even true THANK GOD). He is so irritating. He actually makes me grateful for Rachel, and I never thought I’d say that.
MONDAY
My plan to inspire my poor, suffering mother has begun. I spent today thinking of excellent plots for her (it was a nice distraction from my classes, which were very, very boring) and have begun to work them casually into conversation in the hope that it will inspire Mum’s creative powers. Although frankly I think I have done nearly all the creating myself already. I’ve practically written four books today (in my head). I began putting the plan into action when I was helping Mum make the dinner, peeling potatoes like a slave (what would Mrs Harrington say if she knew her beloved Rosie Carberry used child labour in the home?). Mum was messing around with a big orange casserole dish and saying something boring about not cutting off half the potato when I got rid of the purply bits when I said, ‘You know, Mum, I heard a very interesting thing at school today.’
‘Oh really?’ said Mum. ‘Was it more interesting than peeling those potatoes properly?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘A girl in my class was telling us about her aunt. Apparently she had two really good friends, right, and they all went to school together but when they got older one of them became a teacher, and she was really bored and frustrated because she had to teach girls about tidal waves all day, and then another of them ran a fancy