The Ramblers Read Online Free PDF Page B

buildings in Manhattan in the dead of the night, pale as a ghost in nothing but a hotel bathrobe and glitter heels, a total loon.
    Like the cabdriver, the doorman asked if she was okay because it was clear she was not, but she breezed past him.
    â€œGod, Clio, why didn’t you wake me up when you came in?”
    â€œI wanted to, but you have such a big week ahead with the wedding and everything—and you know I’ve been through this before. It’s always a matter of waiting it out. Anyway. Enough about me. I was worried when you left the party so early.”
    â€œOh, I’m basically fine,” Smith says, turning back to Clio. “Anyway, as Life Coach Laura would say, I must act as if . . .”
    â€œFake it until you make it?” Clio says, quoting a Laura-ism.
    Smith hits Clio with a pillow. “Seriously, I’ve missed you. How was the trip? We barely talked about it last night.”
    â€œIt was good,” Clio says. “Tiring. I’m happy I’m back at sea level. The altitude was killer. Angie hardly noticed, of course. Must be nice to be all of twenty-three.”
    â€œWell, I’m happy you’re back,” Smith says. “You know I can’t deal when you’re off the grid. The truth is, Sally is driving me mad and I have no one to bitch to but you.”
    â€œYou know, I actually missed your bitching,” Clio says. “I can’t believe the wedding is this weekend. How’s the toast coming?”
    â€œIt’s not,” Smith says, sighing. “Not even a trickle. I’m completelyblocked, which is bizarre because you know me, I’m rarely at a loss for words. I’m sure it has to do with Asad somehow, some unconscious resentment that’s tripping me up. Fucker. I’m still having dreams about him.”
    Clio reaches out and touches her friend’s hand. “I’m so sorry, Smith.” Smith pulls her hand away and straightens.
    â€œWhatever. It is what it is. I’m not going to hide in the corner and cry that my little sister is getting hitched before I am just because I got dumped by the guy I was supposed to marry. Life Coach Laura says envy is poison and I refuse to have any part in it. It sucks, but all of this is old news, Clio, and now you have this grand gesture from Henry and you know what? I’m so thrilled for you. You two will figure out a way to move past last night and it will be great. After everything you’ve been through? Clio, you deserve this.”
    Clio listens to Smith’s words, words laced with the very thing she’s denying—envy. Her adamant, Life Coach Laura–fueled positivity isn’t convincing this time. When Smith says, You deserve this, Clio can’t help but wonder if what she really means is I deserve this. This is meant to happen to me. And both of them would have agreed that Smith was supposed to be the first to make the foray into a more settled life. This, the way their respective lives appear to be unfolding, is no doubt a shock to them both.
    â€œI’m not sure I agree I deserve this, but next time I lose my mind, I will wake you up,” Clio says, attempting to lighten things.
    â€œNo,” Smith says. “No, no. There will not be a next time. We need to find a way to fix this panic thing .”
    Clio nods, but a familiar resentment builds quietly inside her. Her best friend is a fixer, a tweaker, a professional organizer of other people’s lives, but how many times does she have to explain to Smith that not everything is a matter of fixing and tweaking? There will most certainly be a next time, and a next time, and a time after that. This is who she is. This is who she’s wired to be. It’s not a matter of having a perfectly arranged closet or talking to a life coach or seeing a therapist or meditating, of ingesting copious amounts of Rumi and kale and green tea. She’s spent years doing her own research and still