The Poor Mouth Read Online Free PDF

a word of support from his Grace. Indeed it might be a complete and final solution to the whole terrible crux. If it came off I would go on a pilgrimage to Lough Derg in thanksgiving.
    –It must be a miracle you’re looking for if you’d go that far, Collopy, Father Fahrt said smiling. And what is this idea of yours?
    –Trams, Father. Trams . I don’t know how many distinct routes we have here in the city, but say the total is eight. One tram for each route in each direction would suffice, or sixteen trams in all. Old trams repaired and redecorated would do.
    –Are you serious, Collopy? Trams?
    –Yes, trams. They would have to be distinctive, painted black all over, preferably, and only one sign up front and rear—just the one word WOMEN. Understand? It would be as much as a man’s life was worth to try to get into one of them.
    –Well, well. At least this idea is novel. Would there be a charge?
    –Very likely there would be a penny fare at the beginning. To look for a free service at the start, that would be idealism. But once we have the cars running, we could start an agitation for the wiping out of the penny fare in the interest of humanity.
    –I see.
    –I would like you to think this thing over, Father. Let us say that a lady and gentleman are walking down the street and have a mind to go for a stroll in the Phoenix Park. Fair enough. But first one thing has to be attended to. They wait at a tram stop. Lo and behold, along comes the Black Tram. The lady steps on board and away she goes on her own. And the whole beauty of the plan is this: she can get an ordinary tram back to rejoin her waiting friend. Do you twig?
    –Yes, I think I understand.
    –Ah, Father, you don’t know how dear to my heart this struggle is and the peace that will come down on top of my head when it is happily ended for ever. Decent people should look after women—isn’t that right? The weaker sex. Didn’t God make them the same as he made you and me. Father?
    –He surely did.
    –Then why don’t we give them fair play? Mean to say, you or I can walk into a pub—
    –I beg your pardon, Collopy. I certainly can not walk into a public house. You never saw a priest in a public house in your life.
    –Well, I can walk into a pub and indeed I often do.
    –Well, well, Collopy, you are full of ideas but I must be moving. I didn’t realize the hour.
    –Good enough, but you will call again. Think about what I’ve said. Can I offer you a final glasheen for the road?
    –No thanks indeed, Collopy. Good night now lads, and mind the Greek article haw-hee-taw.
    In unison:
    –Good night, Father Fahrt.
    He went out with dignity, Mr Collopy his escort.

6
    I T had been a dull autumn day and in the early evening I decided that the weather would make it worth while looking for roach in the canal. My rod was crude enough but I had hooks of a special size which I had put away in a drawer in the bedroom. I got out the rod and went up for a hook. To my surprise the drawer was littered with sixpenny postal orders and also envelopes addressed to the brother describing him as ‘Director, General Georama Gymnasium’. I decided to leave this strange stuff alone, took a hook and went off up along the canal. Perhaps my bait was wrong but I caught nothing and was back home in about an hour. The brother was in the bedroom when I returned, busy writing at the smaller table.
    –I was out looking for roach, I remarked, and had to get a hook in that drawer. I see it’s full of sixpenny postal orders.
    –Not full, he said genially. There are only twenty-eight. But keep that under your hat.
    –Twenty-eight is fourteen bob.
    –Yes, but I expect a good few more.
    –What’s all this about General Georama Gymnasium?
    –Well, it’s my name for the moment, he said.
    –What’s Georama?
    –If you don’t know what a simple English word means, the Brothers in Synge Street can’t be making much of a hand of you. A georama is a globe representing the earth.