weird look. âShit! Cash, ainât nothing to get through. This is it. This is our life now, baby.â
âNaw, the doctor said there is always a chance that Daddy will fully recover.â
She chuckled. âYou sweet. But I ainât gonna waste time in hope. Such a hopeless, bottomless thought. But you go ahead, sweetheart. Hold on to your hope, since Iâm taking all your strength from you.â
I massaged the inside of my right hand with my thumb. âDaddy gonna . . .â I stopped myself, before she could say more, and her negative thoughts rub off on me.
âThank you for all your help, Cashmere. Why the fuck canât Desiree be like you? Huh? Why? Damn! The Lord can be so cruel.â Mama stood up and scratched her dry, flaky scalp.
âBut Iâll tell you whatâIf that bitch think sheâs gonna sleep all gotdamn day just âcause she was doing the devil knows what, she got me fucked up.â
I rose from the bed too. âAll right, Mama, Iâll see you later this afternoon.â
I stopped by me and Desireeâs room on my way to school to check on her. She was snoring loudly, her mouth open. She didnât bother to change her clothes or wipe the makeup off her face.
âDesiree.â I raised my voice and kicked at her leg. âWake up!â
âWhat? Damn?â She rolled her body the other way.
âSchool, dumb ass. Whatchu think?â
âFuck school. They canât school a boss like me.â
I pierced her with a look. âDig a hole.â
âWhat?â
âBury yourself. Mama gonna get in that ass, best believe.â
She sucked her teeth at me, and I shook my head and headed out for school.
I heard the shouting even before I made it to my front door. I rushed up the steps to my house and entered it quickly to find Mama and Desiree going at it, arguing. I watched silently.
âYou donât run me. I do what I want to do.â
âReally, muthafucka? I run everything in this bitch, got it?â
âShit. All you ever ran was Daddy.â
Mama rushed up to Desiree so their faces were inches apart. âWhat the fuck you say, little girl?â
Desiree swallowed like she was forcing herself to shut up.
Mama smirked. âYeah, bitch, you bad, but you ainât bad like me. And you think âcause you passing your pussy around that you a big girl. Shiiit! You ainât. And donât bring up shit about your father, unless you ready for the truth.â
Desireeâs cheeks popped out with air. First she turned to walk away, which made me sigh with relief, but then she stopped and faced Mama again. âAnd whatâs the truth, Mama?â
âMama, donâtââ
Mama tossed her hand to me. âShut up, Cash.â
âJust say what you gotta say, Mama,â Desiree whispered, her eyes narrowed.
I held my face in my hands, and Mama said nothing.
âThe truth is, Mama, if Daddy ainât had to make that extra dough to buy all that dumb shit for you, this shit wouldnât have happened.â
Mamaâs eyes watered. âBitch!â She tapped Desiree in the forehead. âIf itâs anybodyâs fault, then know that itâs yours. He was stressed about finding out his princess ainât shit but a ho that can take it up the pussy and mouth at the same time, so if itâs anybodyâs faultââ
âMove your fingers, Maââ
âItâs yours.â
I yelled, âDesiree! Donât do it.â
Before I could step between them Desiree swung at Mama and struck her in the face, snapping her head back.
âOh, hell no.â Mama said.
Then they went toe to toe. While Desiree could scrap for sure, Mama was fucking her ass up, drilling her in the face with her fist. Mama dragged her by her hair and slammed her into the wall. When Desiree fell to the floor, Mama was on her again.
I rushed over and tried to pull her
Holly Rayner, Lara Hunter
Scandal of the Black Rose