The Passion Play Read Online Free PDF

anymore. No kids, no sex, no attention, nothing. I've just been a servant, telling myself at least I was being nurturing. That's womanly, right? I like to take care of people. But I'm just so- Unh!" She made a gesture as if she was tearing her hair out by the roots, her fingers stopping just short of her chignon.
    "There's nothing wrong with that if they take care of you too. But let's face it, Dan was a leech. He took what you gave him and virtually ignored you. I hated to watch it."
    "Did you? Why did you never say anything?"
    "What could I say? It wouldn't have suited me of course, but you always seemed cheerful enough, running around with all your projects and your house to tidy and decorate. And at least he took you out on dates. I have a hard time just scraping Mark off the couch for long enough to put his pants back on, let alone getting him out of the house and into a restaurant."
    Felicity smiled, bitter and humorless. "Make a standing reservation at the restaurant and give him plenty of warning. If he's not ready to leave on time, go by yourself, invite a friend and pay for her out of your joint account. That's how I got Dan to start going."
    "Cunning."
    "It didn't achieve anything. It just let him be complacent we were having our couple time so then he could avoid time with me otherwise. At least Mark talks to you when he's sitting on the couch in his underpants."
    "He does." Caroline's face softened in rememb rance. "Just last night he said-" She broke off self-consciously. "Actually you probably don't want to hear that soppy stuff right now."
    "No. I don't. I am so over love. A sperm donor is what I need."
    Caroline's eyes widened. "You wouldn't. Can you imagine what your folks would say? They'd go nuts. They'd cut you off completely."
    "So? Let them. I'm not going to live my life for anyone else but me, anymore."
    "Look, I could get behind you having a wild time, clubbing, meeting men and living a little. It's not like you had any of that before. Even when I first met you you were this buttoned down, obedient little girl. I'll go with you even, if you need the moral support. You know I'd be the first one to stand on the sidelines and cheer you on. Given you're using protection and not actually trying to get pregnant with every hot man you drag home."
    Felicity leaned back into the couch cushions, looked up at the ceiling and breathed a deep sigh. She missed sex. Yes, she did. The heat and passion and pleasure of it. Being without it had her feeling old and dried up, past her best. It had been such a blow when Dan lost interest, but she had suppressed that hurt too, driven it down deep inside and denied the poignancy of her loneliness. "I can't imagine dragging someone home."
    "It's not that hard. I mean, I'm out of practice but I do remember a thing or two. Most of them come willingly. And you're so pretty you'll have no trouble. Just bat your eyelashes and they'll be dragging you home."
    "I've never actually had sex with someone I wasn't in love with." Was that self-pity? It did not feel like pride. More that she had set a false value on her own constancy.
    "Aw, man," Caroline groaned. "Now I feel guilty for leading you astray. Ignore me. You go out and fall in love again."
    "No. I'm not setting myself up like that. Maybe sex. Sometime. Sometime far in the future." Or perhaps sooner if she had enough courage to be powerfully sexual, to take what her body wanted and not wait for the permission granted by deeper feelings and a solid relationship. A relationship she had no intention of starting.
    "For the good of your own health and mental wellbeing." Caroline's tone was dry.
    "Yeah, that."
    "We're not made to be alone, honey. We need love, and that means physical love too. You even more than most, maybe. Human touch. Companionship."
    "I won't be alone."
    Caroline's face fell into grave lines. "The baby?"
    "Yes," said Felicity, her voice soft as a whisper, and her heart full of