The Order of the Poison Oak Read Online Free PDF Page B

sitting in the actual lifeguard’s chair, which was unbelievably uncomfortable. “How are the allergies?”
    “I’m fine with the tree pollen,” she said. “I just didn’t know I’m also allergic to eleven-year-old girls.”
    “What do you mean?” It sounded like Em was having a hard time with her campers too, but I wasn’t about to come right out and say what I really thought, not after the lackluster response from Min and Gunnar the night before.
    She looked at me, sitting next to her on the sand. “They’re little shits.”
    “Your kids?”
    “Really?”
    “Oh, please. I never would’ve gotten them to sleep last night if I hadn’t put valerian root in their hot chocolate.” Valerian root is this herbal supplement that puts people out.
    “You didn’t really!” I said. “Did you?”
    “Yeah, I did.”
    “Really?”
    “No, not really. I’m lying.”
    “Oh. Wait. Which is it?”
    “I did it. I was telling the truth the first time. I was lying when I said I didn’t do it.”
    My head was swimming—which I now realized was pretty typical when you were talking to Em.
    I laughed. “So you really think your kids are ...
    “Little shits?” Em said. “Abso-frickin’-lutely. Aren’t yours? They sure looked like it at lunch.”
    “Well, yeah, but . . .“ But what? My campers were little shits. It just felt funny saying that out loud. Them being burn survivors and all.
    “So say it,” Em said.
    “What?”
    “Say your kids are little shits!”
    I laughed again. That’s when I realized something about Em. She reminded me of Gunnar. She had the same kind of quirky nature where you were never quite sure what she was going to say next. Plus they both knew the scientific names of things.
    Suddenly, Ian stepped up next to me on the beach. He jammed his foot down into the sand, which happened to be right where my tube of sunblock was sitting. It was uncapped, so white sunblock squirted out, gooping up my leg.
    “Oops,” he said. “Sorry” He wasn’t sorry at all. He’d done it on purpose. But I would have felt weird yelling at him. What exactly was I going to say?
    But Em didn’t hesitate. As Ian was turning away, she stuck her foot out right in front of him. He tripped and went sprawling over the sand.
    “Oops!” she said to him. “Sorry.”
    I admit it. Now I really liked Em.
    * * * * *
    For one hour every afternoon, we counselors were supposed to take turns operating the camp store, located in a tiny room in the lodge, just off the cafeteria. Basically, it sold candy, soda pop, a few toys, some clothing, and toiletries like toothpaste that eighty percent of the kids had left at home. I knew Gunnar was in the camp store that first week, so I visited him on a break from lifeguarding.
    “Hey,” I said.
    “Huh? Oh, hey, Russ.” He’d been reading a paperback, and even though he tried to hide the cover with his arm, I caught a glimpse of a bare-chested man embracing a woman in a frilly dress. Strange, I thought: Gunnar was reading a romance novel. But I decided not to embarrass him by pointing that out.
    Instead, I put a dollar on the counter and reached for a candy bar. But Gunnar said, “You don’t want that.”
    “Why not?” I said.
    “Because it’s not fit for human consumption.”
    “Why not?”
    “Four words: hydrogenated palm kernel oil.”
    “Hydrogenated what?”
    “It’s real nasty stuff,” Gunnar said. “They take this cheap vegetable oil and add an extra hydrogen atom to make it stiff. It sticks right to your arteries. It’s even worse than hardened bacon grease.”
    “Fine,” I said. “I’ll have one of these.” I reached for a different candy bar.
    Gunnar still wouldn’t take my money. “Oh, no, there’s palm kernel oil in almost everything these days. At least all the cheap stuff.”
    “Whatever,” I said. “Just give me a can of pop.”
    He stared at me with a disgusted look on his face.
    “Now what?” I said.
    “You know they don’t even use