The Morning Star Read Online Free PDF

son. You must only concern yourself with providing the empress and me with grandchildren.” His face softened again. “But not too soon, I should think. The empress believes she is much too young to be a grandmother.”
    I blushed. “Your Imperial Majesty, I am only seventeen.” About to turn eighteen. I did not know what else to say. The tsar was asking too much of me. Give up my childhood dream or lose the boy I loved? How could he ask me to choose?
    “No hurry, my dear. No hurry. In fact, I think a long engagement might be most suitable. The empress does need time to come around. She still thinks of her sons as little children. But it’s time Nicholas begins to think about marriage as well.”
    I kept silent. I knew neither the tsar nor his wife was fond ofAlix, so there was no point in angering him. “And Xenia as well,” I offered instead.
    “Xenia?” The tsar looked at me in surprise. “It will be years before she is ready to marry.”
    “And perhaps years before you and the empress are ready to let her marry,” I said, immediately hoping I had not been too bold.
    But he stood up again and retreated behind his desk, indicating that our meeting was over. No fatherly bear hug, for which I was grateful. “Katerina,” he said as I curtsied and turned toward the door, “do you still have a decision to make or has it already been made?”
    I stared at him, my throat dry and my heart pounding. “I… ” But as badly as I wanted to please the tsar, I couldn’t. “I have to think, Your Imperial Majesty.”
    He nodded. There was no way I could tell whether my answer pleased or disappointed him. Perhaps it was what he had expected.
    With another hasty curtsy, I fled from his library and found my brother standing at attention outside. “Take me home, Petya,” I said, sweeping past him toward the palace entrance. I did not want to see George Alexandrovich. Not yet. Had he known his father was going to ask such a thing of me?
    My brother pestered me with questions the entire ride home. “It had nothing to do with the lich tsar, Petya,” I said, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. “And it wasn’t about the Order. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. I’m just tired.”
    It had been an exhausting interview. I begged him to tell our parents something, anything, so I could just go straight to bed when we got home. With a worried frown, he finally nodded.As the carriage drew closer to Betskoi House, Petya leaned forward and put his hand on top of mine. “I just wish I knew what it was so I could make it better.”
    I glanced up at him. Sometimes my brother’s overprotectiveness made me want to cry. “I wish you could too.”

I spoke with my brother early the next morning. Maman was a late riser, and Papa had gone for a brisk early-morning walk. Petya was already dressed in his regimentals, ready to leave for his palace duties. “And now are you going to tell me what last night was all about?” he asked, taking a hot cup of tea from the footman’s tray.
    I pulled him into Papa’s study. “George asked his father for permission for us to marry. The tsar agreed, but—”
    “Katiya, that is wonderful news! I think George Alexandrovich is an excellent fellow!”
    I shook my head. “But the tsar will only give us permission if I agree to give up my dreams of becoming a doctor.”
    “And you can’t decide which you want more?” Petya asked. He was not condescending but concerned.
    I could not hold it in any longer. The tears I’d refused to shedthe previous night came bursting out as my brother pulled me into his arms. “There, there,” he said, feebly patting my shoulder. “Surely you love your grand duke above all else?”
    “Do I?” I asked, looking up at Petya. “What if I grow to resent my sacrifice? What if I grow to hate him?”
    “Is that what you’re afraid of?” he asked.
    I nodded, careful not to wipe my tears on his regimentals. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and