it. He didnât ever imagine that it was still there, but he felt things that werenât happening, water dripping on parts of his hand, a feather brushing skin that wasnât there. He was lucky he didnât have pain. He was more aware of the finger for its absence than he had ever been when it was part of him. Then he understood. Pills would never work; Paulinaâs headaches were from absenceâa phantom pain from missing the tank, the water, and Michel.
Enola would grab on to the stub of his finger, as though sheâd discovered a new handle, just the right size for her chubby fist.
In the mornings he took to pressing his hand to the vanity in the bathroom, squeezing his other fingers against the space, seeing if he could convince himself it was still there.
Paulina wanted to know how it happened, the exact why and the process.
âI was distracted. Thinking about things, doing everything youâre not supposed to.â
âWhat were you thinking about?â
âNothing, really. I was just tired,â he said.
She made a point to grab his hand more, the imperfect one, the spot where he had been.
âDonât trim yourself down any more,â she said. âNot ever. Thereâs just enough of you.â
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
On the beach, children playing in the water, she pressed his palm to the sand. Her hand was warm on top of his. A few grains of quartz gritted against his skin, glass waiting to be born.
âLift up,â she said.
The imprint of his hand remained in the damp sand. He stared at the truncated mark where his ring finger should have been.
âWatch,â she said. With her left hand, she filled in the missing digitâs shadow. It was light at first, barely there as she figured out the pressure required to truly draw. He realized that she never knew how hard to touch, or when exactly touch began.
She finished his hand.
âThere we are,â she said.
In the water Simon splashed around with Frank and Leahâs daughter.
Daniel looked up the cliff, then at his house, which sat on the edge. Time and water were slowly carving the land to nothing. Terracing might stop it for a while, but it was fighting a losing battle. The island was shaving itself down, shaking away all excess. Trees, houses. Heâd shaken away some excess.
His surgeon said to be grateful that he hadnât lost his thumb or index finger. He didnât have to learn to write again; heâd never played an instrument. He taped his work gloveâs empty finger to the back, which marked the set as his. No one took them by mistake now. His wedding ring made the easy switch to his right hand, where it sat more snugly than it ever had on his left. His life accommodated the small absence as though heâd been born with it.
In the sand his hand was restored by the shadow finger his wife had drawn. He began to understand that missing made him complete.
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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the authorâs imagination or are used fictitiously.
THE MERMAID GIRL . Copyright © 2016 by Erika Swyler. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address St. Martinâs Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
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Cover design by Olgra Grlic
Cover photographs:
Mermaid © Shafran/Shutterstock
Waves © natsa/Shutterstock
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