The Magnificent Showboats Read Online Free PDF

too short,” said Zamp. “I will simply play one of my musical farces.”
    “There will be no novelties aboard the Two Varminies,” said Santelmus. “I do not expect to win unless the river swallows up all the other contestants, so why exert myself?”
    Zamp refilled the glasses with brandy. “You are much too pessimistic.”
    Santelmus sadly shook his head. “My triumphs are all in the past. I recall that in order to demonstrate my Bath of Beauty I employed two sisters. I would call for a volunteer from the spectators and the ugly sister would step forward and enter the bath, where the beautiful sister already crouched. I would pour in a gill of my Rainbow Essence, and the beautiful sister would spring forth exultant. The stratagem earned considerable sums of iron.”
    “So why did you abandon it?”
    “Circumstances compelled a change. The sisters became disgruntled, and one day they spitefully reversed their roles. I was helpless to prevent the beautiful girl from jumping into the bath, apparently to emerge long-nosed and pock-marked. The event unnerved me and I was never able to continue.”
    “I have suffered similar embarrassments,” said Zamp. “At Langlin on the Suanol the sound of the letter ‘r’ is considered an offensive obscenity, and at my introductory speech I was pelted with stones which they had brought along for this purpose.”
    “The artist’s life is at least eventful.” Santelmus rose to his feet. “Well, I must see to my affairs.”
    Walking out on deck the two were attracted by the sound of declamations and music from Fironzelle’s Golden Conceit. Santelmus nodded sagely. “Garth Ashgale is intent at his rehearsals; he is not one to ignore any detail. What is that pounding noise?”
    “I don’t know,” said Zamp. “No doubt a repair of some sort.”
    Santelmus descended the gangplank and Zamp immediately clambered up into the crow’s nest, where he could overlook the length of Fironzelle’s Golden Conceit. It appeared that Ashgale, like Zamp, had been experiencing difficulty with his drive-shaft. The great member of resin-treated skeel had been hoisted to the quarter-deck and laid out on trestles for scraping and justification. Zamp’s own engineer, Elias Quaner, stood discussing the problem with his kinsman, the engineer aboard Fironzelle’s Golden Conceit.
    Zamp descended to the deck, and when Quaner returned summoned him to the stern cabin. “How goes Ashgale’s drive-shaft?”
    “Not too badly. A simple case of warp, which must be cured with steam and pressure.”
    “And the propeller?”
    “It has been taken to the boatyard for refinishing. Master Ashgale intends a long voyage north, and insists that all be in best condition.”
    Zamp brought out his best brandy and poured generously into a goblet which he handed to Elias Quaner. “No doubt you know why we are here?”
    “I have heard rumors of a competition at Mornune.”
    “The rumors are accurate. Now, it goes without saying that if Miraldra’s Enchantment prospers, all of us prosper.”
    Elias Quaner, a short man with earnest blue eyes and red-brown hair worn in the typical Quaner tufts, responded cautiously: “That would be the general hope.”
    Zamp developed his ideas a step further. “We can either exert ourselves to win, or ensure that Ashgale loses.”
    “Or both.”
    “As you say: both … Ashgale’s drive-shaft is a member of rather large diameter?”
    “Precisely sixteen inches, like our own.”
    “Which necessarily would be the diameter of the hole through the sternpost?”
    “Almost exactly.”
    “And the water is denied admittance how?”
    “A plug is the usual contrivance to this end.”
    “An externally applied plug?”
    “This is the best and easiest application.”
    “How might this plug be dislodged?”
    Elias Quaner pursed his lips. “By any of several methods. A sharp blow, for instance.”
    “Would such a blow be difficult to administer?”
    “By no means; a person so