The Lost and Found Read Online Free PDF Page B

up. I walked to the house, ignored the look from my brother, went to my room, grabbed a clean change of clothes, and jumped in the shower. As I stood under the hot water, I felt more than the mud and pond scum wash away. I was alive now. Living. My protective barriers were fractured, gone. My fog had cleared. And I realized there was no more hiding. No more pretending. It took me a little while to assemble my thoughts, and harness my will, but eventually I got there. Afterwards I found Josiah out behind the barn, unloading hay. I watched him for a moment, figured out the rhythm in his activity, his purpose, then without a word climbed onto the trailer and began unloading hay alongside him. He never said anything to me. Just continued to work and sweat.
     

     
    Josiah
     
    JOSIAH BEGAN TO WORRY about Crimson, wondering how far down the hole of pain and depression she’d fallen when he hadn’t seen her outside her room for several days. Every so often as he worked around the ranch, he’d glance up at her window, hoping for at least a glimpse of her. He’d seen her a couple times, standing up there, looking down at life taking place all around her. She seemed more ghost-like than human; she was so still and pale.
    Crimson had come downstairs the morning after they arrived looking lost, frightened, and ready to crumble. All eyes had turned toward her, making her uncomfortable. Josiah had watched as she’d hesitated on the threshold, uncertain, until Ethan had caught her eye and indicated the coffee pot. Josiah studied her as she carefully moved around the table, then past him. He’d willed her to look at him, but she’d kept her eyes glued to the floor.
    Then she’d needed the mug for her coffee and hadn’t known where to look for one. Josiah came to her rescue, handing her one before her discomfort increased. He’d seen the slight slump in her shoulders as the silence in the room behind her had lengthened, seen the relief and the lessening of the tension as the boys quickly, noisily filed out of the room. He’d followed them to make sure they all got to the bus. By the time he returned to the kitchen she’d escaped back to her room.
    Crimson’s eyes bothered him. The pale brown color was as beautiful as always, but now they were haunted – pain lurking in their depths — the warmth was completely gone. Shadows stained the skin beneath them, indicating stress and a lack of sleep. Billy told him she hadn’t responded to any of his efforts to reach out to her. Billy had also told him about Crimson’s past, her mother’s past.
    Josiah could see it in her eyes — Crimson felt like she was dead inside. She wanted to be dead inside, to just escape the pain. But, Josiah knew from experience that she couldn’t deny the pain and still welcome life. She had to take both together, face both together. He decided to give her one more day. If she hadn’t come downstairs by tomorrow morning he was going up after her.
    Josiah stood at the back door, staring through the screen, in the direction of the pond. He’d been standing there for over three hours. Crimson was still on the ground; she hadn’t moved from where she’d dropped earlier. He’d second-guessed himself about every ten minutes. Torn between his desire to comfort and protect her, and knowing she needed to make this decision on her own — he couldn’t make it for her.
    Josiah had been standing here, forcing himself to stay put, forcing himself to let her fight this battle, but all the while he was mentally willing Crimson to get up. Willing her to be strong. He’d almost lost his resolve when he got to her room this morning. Almost. He’d seen her pain, seen how filled with anger and anguish she was. But he’d seen something else, too. A spark, a flare. Crimson had attempted to stand up to him. There weren’t many people, even grown men, tough men, who’d have had the guts to do that. It was that spark, that fire, which moved him, made him solidify his